


Meet Me in St. Louis

by LizaMcGhee



Category: Major Crimes (TV), The Closer
Genre: AU, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-05-28 13:22:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15050018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizaMcGhee/pseuds/LizaMcGhee
Summary: From the perspective of Brenda L. Johnson: This story takes place the year Brenda finishes graduate school and joins a police department in San Fransisco. Brenda is intrigued by the mysteriousness of a Commander Sharon Raydor. Over the years to come, Brenda's relationship with Sharon takes on many different phases with everyone around her (including Brenda) wondering what kind of relationship they share together.





	1. Orientation Day

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at a Fan-fiction. I apologize for bad formatting. I will get the hang of it eventually:)

Brenda Johnson was not only on time for her orientation day at the San Francisco Police Department but she pulled into the parking lot fifteen minutes ahead of schedule. As the daughter of a military father, Brenda never had the luxury of being fashionably late, which in return gave Brenda the advantage over most of her peers; better parking, better food, and better opportunities. Today was no exception. Brenda wanted to make a great first impression on both her superior officers and her peers at the SFPD. Brenda knew that this place, this job could be that kind of job that changes her life. This job had all the perfect ingredients to jumpstart her career. Brenda stood outside the SFPD and breathed in the cool, summer San Francisco air before she entered the building. As Brenda walked up the inside atrium staircase to the third floor of SFPD, she reflected on how she came to this point in her life.

While in Law School, Brenda interned at the New Haven County Courthouse where she worked closely with Deputy Sherifs, court psychologists, and other law enforcement personnel. While Brenda was sitting in court one day, calculating child support for another case, Brenda witnessed a particularly compelling child endangerment case where the Deputy Chief of the New Haven Police Department had risked his life to save a five-year-old little girl from the deadly hands of her abusive father. Brenda was mesmerized by the Deputy Chief’s compassion and bravery for this little girl and it was there in that moment that Brenda decided that she wanted to go to police training in addition to finishing her law degree. Brenda believed that going through police training would only give her the experience to make her a stronger lawyer some day.

When Brenda sets her mind on a target, she doesn’t deviate from the path without a fight. Brenda graduated from law school and finished her police training by the time she was twenty-four because she wanted to get an advantage over her peers in the job market. She applied to many different law firms and police departments around the country but she had her eye on a certain department in Northern California. When Brenda interviewed with the SFPD, she immediately felt like the department and the division where she interviewed was the place she belonged. Brenda’s fellow sergeants, the men and women she would be working with, seemed genuinely friendly. The office building looked pristine, there were multiple bathrooms on every floor as well as candy machines to continuously enable Brenda’s addiction to sweets. However, the main attraction for Brenda was the fact that the SFPD was considered one of the top training departments in the country. The SFPD was known for producing the best law enforcement agents. Upon retirement, most people from the SFPD were either highly decorated officers, highly paid prosecutors, or full university professors in a criminal justice department. Brenda yearned to rise to the top of her career and she knew that the SFPD would get her to the top or at least on her way to the top. After gladly accepting the position that was offered to her that day, Brenda was suddenly faced with the challenge to pick the right mentor who could skyrocket her to the top of her field.

One of the requirements for all new SFPD sergeants like Brenda is to pick a mentor during their first year. Recall that the SFPD is a top training department for all levels of law enforcement. The pairing of the mentor/mentee is designed to give new sergeants the best opportunity for success in their field. This success transfers to both the individual and the department as a whole. Brenda sat in Chief Will Pope’s office on that first day of her new job listening to Pope, a balding middle age man explain (yet mostly ramble) about the quality of the SFPD’s mentorship program. While listening to Pope ramble, Brenda began to daydream about what her mentor/mentee relationship would be like. Would she choose a male or a female? Would her mentor always have her back or would he or she take Brenda for granted and make her slave labor? What kind of career would Brenda end up with after her mentorship? All of these questions were extremely important and Brenda began to feel a little nervous wondering whether or not she was capable of making such an important decision. Brenda always loved choosing mentors but she had little success actually keeping a mentor. Brenda had a taste for powerful, smart, and sophisticated women who knew what life had to offer. She knew it was more appropriate to choose a female mentor over a male being that choosing a male could complicate matters. Would other people think she and a male mentor were sleeping together? Would the male end up wanting to sleep with her? If that case scenario were to happen, it would devastate Brenda because she believed she should only get to the top through her own merits. Choosing a female mentor would be less complicated and less risky. After all, women did not want to sleep with the ultra-feminine Brenda Leigh Johnson. This is why it was very important for Brenda to choose wisely. Coming out of her daydream when Chief Pope rises out of his chair, Brenda quickly realized that she and Chief Pope were going on a tour of her new division, where she would meet her fellow colleagues. Running her hands through her soft blonde waves, with the intent to work out a small tangle, Brenda thought about how this tour could give her insight into which mentor she would choose.

Chief Pope carried a confident but charming disposition. Pope was one of those people who could tell you a lie about yourself that you would end up believing was true by the end of the conversation. Brenda found herself talking to him with ease but she was still cautious about his intentions, never neglecting that inner voice that said, “be careful, Brenda, don’t be too naive.” As Pope and Brenda began walking side-by-side into the long corridor that housed a line of cubicles, Pope gave Brenda an introduction to the team members of the Priority Homicide Division.

“So as you already know, Brenda, you will be working with the Priority Homicide Division. Your prior experience in law school and throughout your training program makes you a great asset to this division. With time and dedication, you should be moving up through the ranks in no time.” Brenda smiled and nodded respectfully as she continued to listen to Pope. Throughout the next hour, Brenda met her new colleagues of Priority Homicide. As Pope escorted her down the hall, they stopped at each open work cubicle to introduce Brenda to her new colleagues.

The first stop down the hall was the office of Pope’s administrative assistant, Anne Charles. Anne was a middle aged woman with fair skin and bluish-green eyes. Her hair resembled a 70s Farrah Fawcett; that is, wispy around the sides and as though she spent the last two hours of daylight every day at the beach. Anne immediately extended her hand toward Brenda and welcomed her to the division and Brenda drew an instant liking to Anne. Anne was warm, kind, and approachable and just what twenty-four year old Brenda needed in a friendly work colleague as she adjusted to her new city. “Welcome to the division, Brenda, I am here if you need anything,” Anne said assuredly. Brenda returned the warmth to Anne and said, “I appreciate that very much, Anne. I am sure I will be knocking on your door real soon."

As Brenda moved down the hall of the division, Pope continued to introduce Brenda to other members of the division. The division was filled with mostly men and only a handful of women. On that first day, Brenda met some senior members of the division like Provenza, Flynn, Taylor, and Andrea and also met some mid-level career types like Sanchez, Tao, Fritz, and Irene. All of the newbies were seated in a separate section closer to Pope’s office so that he could ensure their acclimation over the next year. In addition to Brenda, the other new officers included David Gabriel and Amy Sykes.

However, prior to meeting David and Amy, Pope walked Brenda down to the last open office door on the left of the hallway that belonged to Commander Sharon Raydor. When Pope and Brenda entered Sharon’s office, a slender woman seated behind a modest desk looked up from her computer. Sharon was dressed in a heather grey suit and her auburn hair fell just below her shoulders. Looking around the office, Brenda saw splashes of hand-drawn pictures adorning the office walls, resembling the work of children. Behind Sharon’s desk, Brenda saw two school-taken photos, one of a boy and one of a girl, both with light brown hair who looked like they were both in Elementary school.

From where she was standing, Brenda couldn’t tell the shade of Sharon’s eyes but she knew they were lighter than Brenda’s own dark brown eyes. As Pope introduced Brenda to Sharon, Sharon seemed cool, almost stoic. She didn’t get up from her seat but carefully rested her arms across her desk and forced a smile as she said hello to Brenda. She looked busy and Brenda thought she must be important but Brenda was also intimidated by Sharon’s demeanor and rank. Brenda wanted nothing more than to leave this woman alone and not be the cause of interrupting whatever task she was previously working on. Brenda tried to make small talk but she was nervous. Sharon politely chuckled at some of Brenda’s light-hearted self-deprecations and then after about five minutes of small talk, Pope and Brenda left Sharon to her work. As Pope walked Brenda to her new office space, Brenda couldn’t pinpoint her feelings after meeting Sharon. The top of her chest felt heavy like she had apprehension for any future encounters with this woman but she was also curious to know more about how Sharon Raydor made it so far in her career at this point in her life. After all, Sharon couldn’t have been more than 40 years old. Brenda decided she would tread lightly with Sharon but find out as much as she could about her.

The last stop on Brenda’s division tour was her own work space. Since she was new, Brenda shared a space with David and Amy who were also within their first year of joining the SFPD. Both David and Amy were kind but serious and dedicated to their job. Brenda sensed that the three of them would get along well and David and Amy made it clear that they would help Brenda adjust as much as possible. Brenda was seated in the corner desk of the office under a large white board that had what looked like brainstorming ideas drawn all over it.

As Brenda, David, and Amy chatted about the ins and outs of the division, Amy asked Brenda if she was aware of the department’s mentorship program.

Brenda: _Chief Pope was explaining a little bit about the mentorship program to me. When is it that I need to pick a mentor?_

Amy: _You typically pick a mentor by the end of your first year. Then you spend another two years being mentored by that person and then you graduate to independence._

David: _Right now, it is just the three of us who are in the mentorship program, but you need to pick your mentor wisely because they basically train you to become them._

Amy (rolling her eyes at David’s comment): _You don’t have to become them but you do take on their good and bad qualities so it is important to get exposure to others’ work styles and beliefs as well. For example, I picked Andrea as my mentor but I sometimes shadow Tao on how he handles cases._

Brenda: _David, who did you pick to be your mentor?_

David: _Well, I had a hard time choosing at first. Most of the division are so experienced and I wanted to choose someone who had the desire to help me. That quality is hard to find these days. A lot of mentors are only out for themselves and they want the mentee to bolster the mentor when it should really be the other way around._

Brenda: _Well sure, but who could fill that role here?_

David: _Anne, actually_

Brenda: _Anne? The Chief’s admin? Can she even be your mentor? She’s a civilian._

David: _Well, sometimes civilians make the best role models. They offer a different perspective because they aren’t caught up in the drama of our every day tasks. They are comparable to muggles._

Laughing, Brenda nodded in agreement of the Harry Potter reference whereas Amy rolled her eyes again.

David: _Did you meet anyone you might consider to be your mentor?_

Leaning forward in her leather chair while resting her elbow on the desk and biting her nails, Brenda immediately thought of cold and crispy Sharon Raydor. Sharon fit Brenda’s desired mentor attributes. Sharon was older, sophisticated, intelligent, and quite a bit aloof which intrigued Brenda. Brenda often enjoyed the challenge of befriending aloof individuals.

Brenda: _Oh I don’t know… Sharon Raydor seems, ummmm interesting?_

Obviously she said something wrong because Amy looked concerned and while shaking his head and looking down, David called out a warning. It was a light warning and if one wasn’t paying attention, one might confuse it with something else...something such as a tease.

David: _Sharon Raydor is a mystery, Brenda and I heard she was quite the delagator. That might not be someone you would want as a mentor right now. And besides, she’s been after Buzz from another division as a mentee for a couple months now. Buzz still hasn’t made up his mind whether or not he wants to choose Provenza or Sharon._

Well, that settled that. Brenda didn’t want to go to any trouble wooing a mentor that wanted someone else. And Brenda also didn’t think it was the best idea to have a mentor who she was intimidated by. Brenda spent the rest of her first day at the SFPD learning about Amy and David’s mentors and the work they had them do for the division. Before leaving for the day and while Brenda was packing up her stuff, she heard two people talking as they came down the hall. When she looked up and out of her office space, Brenda saw Sharon and Pope laughing and walking out of the building together.

Brenda: _Are Sharon and Pope friends?_

Amy: _Well, they walk out together every evening, although Sharon seems to always have a buddy with her._

Brenda thought, “why would a seemingly independent woman need a buddy with her?”

David: _No one really knows what their relationship is. Pope is going through a divorce right now and we assume Sharon is still married to her husband since he came to the SFPD barbecue last week with their kids._

Puzzled, Brenda wondered what Sharon’s story was. Brenda wasn’t the type to be involved in office gossip but she rationalized her curiosity to needing to rule out inappropriate mentors. In addition, she kept feeling drawn to finding out more about Sharon.

As Brenda walked out of the building for the night, she rounded the corner to the parking garage to find she was suddenly  face to face with Sharon Raydor.

Brenda: _Oh excuse me, Commander, I didn’t see you there._

Sharon: _Well, why would you? You came around the corner pretty quickly and you were only focused on the ground. Something intriguing about the ground….ummmm_ (searching for a name)…. _Karen is it?_

Brenda: (Feeling a twinge of disappoint at Sharon for not remembering her name) _No, Ma’am, it’s Brenda not Karen and I apologize for not paying attention._

Sharon: _Well then Brenda, I was on my way back up to the division to make a copy of this legal brief. Pope mentioned you have some legal experience….why don’t you go make me a copy of this and email it to me so I can have it to read at home tonight_ …

Astounded at Sharon’s request, Brenda just stared with her mouth slightly open with the legal document in her hand as Sharon turned on her heel and headed toward her 12 year old Volvo and then drove out of the parking lot. Brenda had just received her first of many tests to come but she didn’t know it yet.


	2. Brenda gets to know her Colleagues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not about the work they do in case you were wondering.

Throughout the next six months, Brenda learned about the team dynamics of Priority Homicide. She began to get a better feel for the different personalities of her colleagues and who was friends with whom. For example, Provenza and Flynn had been close for many years, Sanchez preferred to alone, Irene liked to flirt with David although David pretended like he didn’t notice, and Anne was the true heart of the division who held everything together. If there was ever any type of issue, Anne would run to assist. Anne was like the house mom in a fraternity house of cops and she treated Brenda, David, and Amy like her own children.

Brenda quickly came to the realization that the entire division liked Pope because he made everyone feel important. When Pope walked into the office every morning, he personally greeted every member of the division before he went into his own office. Now some would say that Pope did this daily meet n greet because he was procrastinating completing his own work, but nevertheless, the team members enjoyed the connection they felt with their boss. Pope would often linger a bit longer in Brenda’s office since she shared space with two other people and he had more people to talk to. Pope was amused that he could captivate the three youngest members of the division with his war stories. Some of his stories were true and some were not but either way, he always left them hanging on every word. One time he told a story about his cousin that went like this:

Pope: _You should always wear your helmet when you are out in the field on an assignment. I had a cousin once who never wore his helmet when he went out on assignment and one day he ended up getting killed._

David: _That’s terrible! Did a suspect shoot him in the head?_

Pope: _No, he got struck by lightning but you should still always wear your helmet._

There were eye rolls and laughter all around from David, Brenda, and Amy at Pope’s sense of humor.

The one relationship that Brenda couldn’t put her finger on was that of Sharon’s and Pope’s. The highly demanding woman did seem to spend a lot of time with the chief. What kind of relationship did they actually have? Pope seemed like he was the only one in the division who could make the commander genuinely smile. Were they only friends or were they a little more than friends? Although Pope was going through a divorce, Brenda knew Sharon to bea married woman with two young children. Nevertheless, Brenda would often watch Sharon and Pope chatting in the break room over a cup of coffee or laughing while coming back together from a working lunch.

On one occasion, Brenda walked into the break room to refill her water bottle and saw Pope and Sharon having one of their typical chats by the sink. Pope immediately smiled and approached Brenda in a friendly manner and asked her about one of her cases. As Brenda began responding to Pope’s question, she couldn’t help but notice Sharon’s look of irritation at Brenda for interrupting her’s and Pope’s conversation.Sharon began to immediately shift her body into a cagey position so that her arms were folded over her chest and then after about 30 seconds of Brenda talking, Sharon excused herself from the room. As Brenda listened to Sharon’s heels clicking down the hall toward her own office Brenda wondered if Sharon was one of those women who were threatened by younger women who were just starting out in their career.Whether Sharon was acting aloof in the break room or cooly dismissing Brenda’s ideas during division meetings, Brenda was under the impression that Sharon Raydor was not a fan of Brenda’s and she did not appreciate the attention that Brenda got from Will Pope.

Later that same day,Brenda returned to her office from the break room incident and whispered to David, “I swear, that woman hates me. First she tasks me to make her copies on my first day on the job and she then doesn’t even acknowledge that I did her a favor and now she is pissed off that I interrupted her precious time with her work boyfriend by the water cooler.” Trying to sound sympathetic, David responded to Brenda and said, “she doesn’t seem to like many people.“Don’t take it personally and just try to concentrate on your work.” Chmining in Amy said, “I am not even sure Sharon knows my name yet. I tried to talk to her a few weeks ago about a difficult case I have and she looked at me like that was the first time she had ever see me. David’s right, Brenda, just concentrate on finding a mentor who knows you exist.” Agreeing wholeheartedly, Brenda decided to do just that.

Six months into her new job at the SFPD, seeing that Brenda had not chosen a mentor yet, Provenza decided to take Brenda under his wing and Brenda grew fond of his kindness. He began taking Brenda on stakeouts and showing her the ropes. As Provenza began to get to know Brenda better, he realized how brilliant she was so he decided to let her lead a cyber security investigation that required quite a bit of computer time.

On a particularly busy day when most of the division was out in the field investigating a homicide, Brenda was sitting in front of a computer in the murder room, intensely analyzing data tied to the case Provenza gave to her. Brenda became distracted when she heard the familiar sound of heels with a mission clicking toward her. As Brenda looked up from her computer, she saw Sharon passing by her computer on her way to the restroom. Brenda stopped what she was doing and watched Sharon’s arms swing as she confidently headed toward the exit door of the division that lead to the restroom. But as Sharon passed Brenda, she slowed down her pace to look at the younger, golden-haired woman and she half smiled and said, “looks like you’re quite busy.” Brenda politely shrugged and said, “I enjoy this kind of work.” Sharon then replied, “it is too bad you have all that work to do since I could probably use you on some of my cases.” Then without waiting for a reply, Sharon turned on her heels and walked out of the door.

At this point, Brenda was annoyed. Why would Sharon wait until Brenda was already tied up with Provenza’s cases to let Brenda know that she _might_ be interested in working with her? Brenda decided to let it go for now and focus her mind back on the task at hand. She had been feeling Sharon Raydor out for months and it wasn’t until Brenda was already working with someone else that Sharon acted like she even noticed her. What kind of games was Sharon Raydor playing? Deep down Brenda did in fact want Sharon to notice her and the great work that she did but being cautious, Brenda also didn’t want to be played for Sharon’s fool.

One rainy afternoon, Sharon and Pope were sitting in a conference room across the hall from Brenda's office, talking to Taylor and Andrea about something that couldn’t keep them from laughing in hysterics every couple of minutes. Trying to get some work finished Amy and Brenda put their hands over their ears to try to block out the sound.

David: _What did they have in their lunch boxes today?_

Amy: _God, how old are they? These are our role models…_

Just then, the three of them stopped hearing noises coming from the conference room until they heard a loud but bellowing feminine voice call out, “ Brenda! Could you come in here please?”

Brenda: (talking to David and Amy in a low voice) _Oh my God_ ,  _Is that Sharon?_

David began laughing silently and holding his side to prevent any pains that too much laughter might bring.

David: _Yep. She’s calling you into that whacky conversation of theirs._

Brenda stood up slowly and straightened out her skirt. She took a deep breath and entered the conference room that was across the hall from her office.

Brenda: _Yes Commander, you called for me?_

Sharon: _Bren-da (drawing out her name for emphasis), I am trying to decide what kind of a person you are and we are all dying to know if you would feed your new born baby breast milk or formula._

Brenda was dumbfounded at this question. Was this another one of Sharon’s games? Why would she want to know such a ridiculous thing? Was this some form of law enforcement hazing?  Trying to think of the best answer to appease Sharon in that moment,  Brenda said, “ummm, well, Commander, I believe in the benefits of breast milk over the cons and if I had a newborn, I would try breastfeeding my baby.”

Sharon smiled contently and said, “Good choice, Brenda. Now can you tell me why you choose to dress like Donna Reed all the time?” Brenda’s heart once again sank at Sharon’s criticism and Brenda looked down at her white ruffled skirt but didn’t say anything to the room who sat before her. 

Sharon: _It’s ok Brenda. I have plenty of time to work on this with you._

Brenda again felt a mixture of emotions after leaving the conference room to return to her office. Sharon had managed to insult Brenda yet give her hope that she would help her at the same time. It was like Sharon was a spider drawing Brenda into her Lair. First, attack with an insult and then offer hope.

As the winter turned into spring and the weeks passed by, Sharon and Brenda’s encounters remained inconsistent. At times, Sharon would pass Brenda in the hall and smile as she walked by, but other times Brenda felt like Sharon was staring right through her. If Brenda initiated a polite, “hello” Sharon only looked at her briefly, narrowed her eyes, and then kept walking. Brenda was utterly confused and frustrated by this woman’s fickle personality. But why was she letting this woman get to her so much?

Returning to her office after yet another cold encounter with Sharon, Brenda decided to vent to David and Amy about Sharon’s slight shift in behavior with her lately.

Brenda: (coming into the office and throwing down her pile of paperwork in exasperation) _What do you think is going on with Sharon, y’all? One day she acts like the coolest ice queen I’ve ever come across and then the next day she is smiling at me…or is she smirking at me?_

David: (laughing) _Brenda, I don’t know, Sharon is weird. Everyone thinks that Sharon is weird. She seems to be friends with the guys and get along better with them as opposed to the females. But even the other guys think that she is cold and heartless. Maybe she no longer considers you a threat…and then maybe there are times when she feels like she has to put up her guard with you._

Amy: _Maybe she thinks you are going to steal Pope from her._

Brenda: _Oh, for heaven’s sake!_

Brenda then wondered if that was a good thing or a bad thing. While Brenda did not want anyone to feel threatened by her, she also didn’t want Sharon to think that she could control her. And no way in hell would she ever risk her career by dating her boss. Brenda needed to find a way to somehow let Sharon know that she was not a threat.

Just then in that moment as Brenda was thinking about how she could ease Sharon’s concerns, the commander herself walked into their office and headed straight for Brenda’s desk. Sharon was wearing a red quilted coat with a black pinstriped wrap dress underneath. Sharon gently set her purse on top of Brenda’s desk and leaned against the edge so that she was facing Brenda’s chair. Sharon then slowly looked over her shoulder toward where David and Amy were sitting to let them know that she was keeping an eye on them. Amy and David exchanged glances that told each other that this ought to be good.

From the short distance that was now between Sharon and Brenda, Brenda could see that Sharon’s eyes were very green and her skin was like peaches and cream. Sharon took an apple out of her purse and started biting it as she began to ask Brenda questions about her life.

“So Brenda, where are you from originally?” Surprised at the impromptu interview, Brenda tried to answer Sharon’s questions as politely but succinctly as possible. Brenda briefly told Sharon about her hometown of Atlanta and where she went to law school. Sharon asked Brenda enough questions until she finished her apple then she reached her hand into her purse, pulled out her office key, and turned to head back toward her own office. Surprised that the little question and answer session was over without Brenda getting the chance to ask Sharon her own list of questions, Brenda called out, “Commander, wait. I have some questions of my own.” Sharon slowed her pace but didn’t stop or turn around. She simply gave a slight wave of her hand over her head and said, “now is not the time, Brenda.”

After Sharon was gone David turned to look at Brenda with skeptical eyes and said, “what the hell was that all about? Was she practicing for starting a career in journalism?” While Amy laughed at the odd but entertaining encounter with Sharon as well as David’s comment, Brenda felt like she had just been played once again. But she would be lying to say that she wasn’t intrigued. She just now had to figure out the best way to avoid being sucked into Sharon’s manipulative web.

That night when Brenda went home, she was lying on the couch watching a movie and eating a piece of strawberry shortcake when her phone dinged to alert her that she had received a text message. When Brenda picked up her phone to read her new message, she saw that it was from a number that she did not recognize.

Text from Unknown Number: _Hey so I thought you should know that Fritz likes you._ _-Sharon R_

Brenda squinted to make sure she read that name at the end of the message correctly. She thought, “did Sharon just text me? How did Sharon even get my cell phone number?”

Brenda: _Who?_

Sharon: _Fritz, Brenda! You know…Lt. Howard. He sits by my office and I can hear him talking about you to some of the other guys. He thinks you’re pretty and smart. -Sharon R._

Brenda: _Why do you keep putting your name at the end of your texts like I have amnesia or something?_

Sharon: _So that you know it is me. Anne gave me your number._

Brenda smiled and thought, “this woman really is weird but in a sort of… cute kinda way.”

Brenda: _Thank you, Commander. I appreciate the intel._

Sharon: _You’re welcome, Brenda. Have a good evening._

Brenda: _Goodnight. -Brenda J._

Sharon: _funny, funny girl_

Brenda set her phone on the coffee table and then climbed the stairs to her loft bedroom. She fell asleep wondering how she would handle any future advances from Fritz and also wondered what Sharon’s intentions were for sending her this information. Brenda was amused that Sharon thought it was important enough to text her this info at 9:00 on a work night but she was also curious as to whether or not Sharon sent her the text to ensure that Brenda would be distracted from developing any further closeness to Pope. She couldn’t help but believe that Sharon had a hidden agenda.


	3. Destination St. Louis

Sharon and Brenda continued their odd exchanges within the SFPD for another few weeks. Brenda always returned Sharon’s smiles and hellos and Sharon continued to practice her journalism skills on Brenda from time to time. Will Pope also began entering Brenda, David, and Amy’s office more often to get to know the young sergeants better. Sometimes on whim, Pope would treat the youngest members of the squad to a working lunch which they all appreciated.

Late that Spring, Pope, David, Brenda, and Amy were out together for a working lunch when Pope started venting about how he didn’t think he could make an upcoming travel trip with Sharon. Sharon and Pope had been working on a case together for a few months and they both needed to fly out to St. Louis to testify as expert witnesses.

Pope: J _esus guys, Sharon is going to be so pissed when she finds out that I can’t go on this trip. I just have too much going on at home to be able to handle this trip and deal with my jacked up home life._  

As Will was explaining to the crew about all the reasons why he couldn’t go with Sharon to St. Louis, Brenda was thinking, “I will go. Let me go with Sharon to St. Louis.” But when Brenda came back to reality, she noticed Pope, Amy, and David smirking at her.Brenda soon realized that she hadn’t just thought those words but she had actually stated them out loud.

Pope smiled at Brenda, sat back in his chair andthen started chewing on his coffee stirrers like he had just unveiled Brenda’s deepest, darkest secret. Brenda blushed but also was confused because she didn’t know what her deepest, darkest secret was. Brenda believed that she wanted this opportunity to advance her career and meet new people but Pope was looking at her like he knew otherwise.

Pope: _“So you want to take my place with Sharon in St. Louis?_

Brenda only smiled sheepishly.

Pope: _Well, well, well, Miss Brenda, do you think you can handle her? You think you can handle the Wicked Witch?_

David began shaking his head and said, “no, no, no, I don’t think she can handle her. I don’t think they can handle each other and I am betting right now that something will go wrong. “ Pope laughed but then said, “let me go talk to her and see what she has to say and then I will see if Anne can change the flight info. If Sharon agrees to let you go with her, you can take my place.” Pope then grabbed his phone and his jacket and left the restaurant.

“What just happened," Brenda thought. How and why did she end up volunteering for such an intimidating situation? Three days with Sharon in a different state? If Sharon said no to Pope’s suggestion for Brenda to fill his place, Brenda would be crushed. And if Sharon said yes, how would Brenda perform on this trip? This would be Brenda’s first big work trip and she was still a rookie. She knew she didn’t have the experience a lot of other people on the squad had. Surely Sharon would want to take someone else who could make her feel more confident and at ease. However, if Sharon did pick Brenda, this could be the trip that could propel Brenda into career success. Brenda could not only learn from Sharon on this trip but she could also network with other law enforcement agencies and attorneys. She desperately hoped that Sharon would agree to let Brenda take Pope’s place.

Later that afternoon back in the division, Brenda saw Pope leave his office to go down the hall toward Sharon’s office. Brenda knew that this was the moment when Pope was going to talk to Sharon about his having to cancel his trip to St. Louis with her. Curiosity always got the best of Brenda so she crept out of her office toward Sharon’s so she could eavesdrop on Pope’s and Sharon’s conversation. Ensuring that she wouldn’t get caught, Brenda stayed a few offices down the hall from Sharon’s office. Although it was difficult to hear, Brenda was able to make out some of their conversation.

Sharon: (Sounding exasperated) _You always bail on extremely important functions, Will! This is so typical of you. You were part of this case so I am not sure how anyone else but YOU could replicate the information you are an expert at!_

Brenda was surprised to hear Pope and Sharon sounding more like a married couple than work colleagues. Sharon was really giving Pope the guilt trip.

Pope: _Sharon, I am sorry but my family comes first and besides, you will be happy to know that I found someone who very much wants to go and CAN go in my place. Why can’t you cut me some slack Sharon?_  

Sharon: Ha! Well, my husband will certainly like this arrangement better.Pope: You know Sharon, you could act like mentor here. You don’t have to play the bitch persona all the time. 

Brenda didn’t hear Pope explain to Sharon that it was in fact Brenda who could be taking his place but she then heard Sharon say, “Well, ideally, it would be Irene who went with me since she has more experience and by the way,  have you seen the frilly dresses that Brenda wears? They don’t exactly scream sophistication.” 

Brenda’s stomach flipped but she tried to brush it off. Not wanting to hear anymore of the conversation between Sharon and Pope, Brenda returned to her office to find some work to distract her from thinking about this trip and what Sharon’s decision would be. Brenda started wondering if Sharon and Irene were friends. If they were friends, surely Sharon would pick Irene to go to St. Louis with her.

Brenda finished the rest of her work and walked down the hallway before leaving for the day to say goodbye to Anne. Anne smiled and waved and said, “Brenda wait… in case you take Will’s place on this trip, what is your passport number for the airlines?”

Suddenly a splash of renewed hope washed over Brenda and so she happily gave Anne her passport number. As Brenda walked out of the SFPD at 6:30 that evening and she opened her car door, Brenda’sphone dinged to let her know she had a text message. When Brenda looked down to read the message it said,

“Will you go to St. Louis with Me? Sharon-R"


	4. Brenda's First Plane Ride with Sharon

On her way home from work that evening, Brenda thought about what she would pack for her trip to St. Louis with Sharon. Since she and Sharon were leaving the following day, Brenda knew she had to have her items packed before she left for work in the morning. In her texts to Brenda, Sharon had stressed the importance of Brenda wearing a suit on the day Sharon testified as an expert witness. Brenda wore clothing items that resembled suits in law school but she wasn’t quite sure they were up to Sharon’s standards. It was important to Brenda that she find a suit that met Sharon's standards. She didn't want to blow this opportunity over her wardrobe. 

Rifling through her closet, Brenda pulled out an old suit that her mama had given her when she graduated college. The suit consisted of an oversized navy skirt and jacket set. Brenda looked at herself in the mirror after trying on the suit. Unfortunately for Brenda, the skirt gaped around the waist but it would have to do since it was all Brenda had. Brenda continued packing while keeping in mind Sharon’s preference for sophisticated business attire. She avoided floral prints and ruffles and stuck to pencil skirts and solid prints. She also made sure to pack her flat iron to give her hair a sleek, shiny look. She would only be gone a total of three days so she had enough Sharon-esque clothes to get her through the trip.

The next morning, Brenda arrived at work with both her suitcase and her excitement for her first work trip with the SFPD. However, that excitement was mixed with a touch of apprehension. Sharon’s attitude toward Brenda was inconsistent and Brenda did not want do anything to set the commander off. When she walked into the division, she decided to head straight down the hall toward Pope’s office for a little moral support before she had to leave for the airport in a couple of hours.  

Once entering Pope’s office, she saw Pope, David, and Fritz seated at Pope’s small conference table, taking turns throwing soft darts at Pope's dart board.  They were all casually talking like old friends and greeted her warmly when Brenda entered the office.

Fritz: _Hey! Look who it is. You look very nice today, Brenda. I like your hair like that._

For the plane ride, Brenda chose to wear a khaki pencil skirt with a cobalt knit top and accessorized with a double strand of pearls. She straightened her long blonde hair and tied it back into a low side ponytail. 

Pope: (smirking) _There is our national traveler, ready to brave the wicked storm that may lie ahead. I’m just glad that it’s not me this time._

David: _Leave her alone you guys, she’s got this. Brenda, you are going to be fine. If Sharon gets grumpy, you can always retreat to your hotel room._

Brenda nodded and smiled as she took a seat at Pope’s conference table. Brenda was eager to hear more good advice from these three men who knew Sharon a lot better than she did.

Pope: _Speaking of hotel rooms, Sharon has trouble sleeping at night when she is on travel so you have to make sure she has two drinks before she goes to sleep._

Fritz: _Man, how do you even know that?_

Pope only grinned and moved his eyebrows up and down a few times. 

Brenda: _Oh my God, this is so inappropriate! I DON’T want to know!_

Pope: _I am only teasing, Brenda. But you do have to rock Sharon to sleep. That is a must._

Brenda couldn’t tell if Pope was teasing or not. His sense of humor was dry and unwavering. Her mouth felt like sandpaper and she felt a tad of panic creeping into her throat.

Brenda: (panicking at this point) _I can’t do this. I…I don’t even know how to help her through her testimony, much less her sleeping issues. I am not the right person for this job._

Everyone but Brenda started laughing at this point and Pope stood up, put a hand on Brenda’s shoulder and said, “you’ll be fine. I have complete faith in you… and Fritz, David, and I will be on the line during Sharon’s testimony so I can answer any questions the court may have.” This made Brenda feel much better and more confident that she might be able to handle Sharon during the trip.

Just then, the front door to the division swung open and everyone  heard the sound of a roller bag wheeling down the hall. Pope gave Brenda a grin and started humming the Wicked Witch tune from the Wizard of Oz. “Here she comes, “ Pope said. “She’s coming for you and your little dog too.” Brenda sighed and bit her bottom lip.  When Sharon reached the front door to Pope’s office, she was slightly out of breath. Breathing heavily she said, “what is everyone doing in here? Doesn’t anyone work anymore?” Sharon then grabbed a piece of candy off of Pope’s desk and headed down the hall toward her own office.

Pope: (Widening his eyes) _Good luck, Brenda._

Fritz: _Come on Brenda, let’s go to the office supply center. David and I want to get you something for your first trip. You don’t have to leave for the airport for another hour or so._

Brenda, Fritz, and David walked together to the office supply center which was on the other side of the building and two floors down. David and Fritz bought Brenda a Moleskine notebook and told her to write down all of her ideas that she thought of during the trip.

Fritz: _Just remember, Brenda, you don’t need a mentor. You may need one for the program but not for yourself. You can be your own mentor. Sharon can be really hard on people so you need to just believe in yourself and you will be fine.  Don't take any crap from her._

Brenda looked up at Fritz and said, “Thank you, Fritz. I appreciate that and I will do my best.” Brenda thought Fritz was a very decent guy. If they didn’t work together she might consider asking him out on a date. He was handsome and most importantly, he seemed genuinely kind.

When Fritz, David, and Brenda returned back to the Priority Homicide Division, they were met by a flustered Commander Raydor when they walked through the door. Hurrying past them, Sharon said, “Brenda let’s go. Where have you been? We are going to miss our plane.” How could this be possible," Brenda thought..."they weren't supposed to leave for another half hour?" Brenda ran to her office to grab her suitcase and started chasing after Sharon to try to catch up with her. “We still don’t even have to leave for another half hour. How are we late?,” Brenda asked. Fritz and David waved goodbye to Brenda as she ran toward the elevators in her attempt to reach Sharon, long blonde ponytail bouncing up and down with each step.

When Brenda and Sharon approached the SFPD parking garage, Sharon said, “Let’s take separate cars because I don’t want to be hauling you back here when we get home.” “That’s fine, “ Brenda said. Although Brenda knew good and well that Sharon lived only a few minutes from the police department so it wouldn’t be much of an inconvenience to take Brenda back after their trip. Brenda decided that she would appreciate the alone time she was given on her ride to and from the airport. 

Getting in her car, Sharon said, “Ok, I will meet you at the gate. Don’t get lost.” “Good grief,” Brenda thought. This woman was impossible. Did she think Brenda was 12 years old?

Once Brenda checked into the airport, she headed toward the security line. Thinking she had some time to herself before she met Sharon at the gate, Brenda pulled out her cell phone and sent a quick text to her mama to tell her where she was. As Brenda was reading her mama’s reply, Brenda heard an irritated voice in her ear…so much for her alone time. 

Sharon: _Look at all those people going toward baggage claim. I am always so jealous of the people returning home from their trip because I wish it was me._

Brenda thought, “I guess Sharon isn’t as excited about this trip as I am.” Brenda responded, “it is only three days, Commander and then you will be one of those people who gets to come home. Do you get excited about anything?”

Sharon thought about Brenda’s question for a moment and then said, “no, I guess not.” “Ok, well let’s see if we can make this trip a little better than miserable for you this time,” Brenda said chuckling. Sharon looked at Brenda and smiled except when Sharon looked at her this time, she felt like she noticed her a little more than she had in the past. Her look lingered until Brenda felt slightly uncomfortable and looked away. 

Brenda: _Are our seats together on the plane?_

Sharon: _Oh God, I hope not. Work colleagues purposely request for their seats to be separated so that they can have some peace and quiet for at least the duration of the flight. I am going to go get a burrito before we take off._

“What an impossible woman to get to know,” Brenda thought and rolled her eyes. Brenda narrowed her eyes at Sharon as she watched her get in line at the restaurant selling burritos. Brenda wished Sharon would just stop running into her. That way, Brenda wouldn't be subjected to Sharon's rude comments and Brenda could concentrate on improving her work performance instead of worrying about irritating Sharon with her personality. 

When it was time for Brenda to head toward the jetway, she pulled out her ticket so she could scan it at the gate. Suddenly, Brenda felt her ticket being pulled out of her hand by the person in back of her. “Oh wow, look at that, we are seated together. I bet you’re happy.” “Well, Commander, I was actually looking forward to catching up on some of my work, “Brenda stated matter of factly. If Sharon was going to play the bitch persona this whole trip, Brenda was going to pretend that she was not the least bit excited about embarking on this trip with her. But Sharon only smirked and studied Brenda, like she could read right through her.

As Brenda and Sharon took their seats beside each other on the plane, Sharon pulled out her pungent burrito and Brenda feared that the smell would cause her to get sick during the flight. She had a tendency to more likely than not get sick on the landings when the plane’s automation was turned off. As the plane took off, Brenda prayed that she wouldn’t vomit all over Sharon Raydor.

About 10 minutes into their flight, Sharon began testing her journalism skills once again on Brenda.

Sharon: _Brenda, do you live alone?_

Brenda: Yes _, do you?_

Brenda knew the answer to this question but she wasn't going to let Sharon ask all of the questions this time.

Sharon: (chuckling) _No, I live with my husband and my kids._

Brenda: _You have a husband?_

Sharon: _Yes, his name is Jack._

Brenda: _Well, what is he like?_

Sharon continued to tell Brenda about her husband and her family. Brenda turned on her southern charm and was able to do quite a bit of digging into Sharon’s past on that plane ride to St. Louis. Sharon revealed things to Brenda that she hadn’t told others in a very long time such as her husband’s past alcohol and drug problems and then how they stayed together because she became pregnant with their son only a couple months after their first date. Brenda gathered that Sharon was staying in the marriage only to ensure a secure family life for her kids but she got the sense that Sharon wasn’t very happy with her marriage. As Sharon continued to talk about her family, Brenda saw vulnerability within Sharon. Sharon seemed more like a real person and not just some hardass who was trying to appear in control. When Brenda looked at Sharon's face as she was telling her story, Brenda felt like Sharon’s face looked a little softer. Her green eyes didn’t seem quite as cold.

Later in the flight, as the plane started to descend, Brenda began to feel the waves of nausea wash over her. By this point, Sharon was quietly reading her case files next to her. Brenda reached her arm above her head to turn on her air vent and she pointed it so that it was blowing cold air on her face. Brenda could see from the corner of her eyes that Sharon began shifting in her seat. Sharon then set down her case files and positioned her body so that she was facing Brenda.

Sharon: _Brenda, did I ever tell you about my difficult pregnancy with Ricky?_

Brenda: _umm…no, I don’t think so. But Commander, I can’t turn to look at you right now._

Brenda knew that if she moved her head too much she would become disoriented and vomit.

Sharon: _That’s perfectly fine, Brenda. Just look at the tray in front of you._

While the plane made its final descent, Sharon spent the next 20 minutes telling Brenda the challenges of her first pregnancy. Brenda heard both the beautiful parts and the parts that probably would have been better left to Brenda’s imagination. There were moments when Brenda laughed at Sharon's account of her difficult pregnancy. But what Brenda did not do was vomit. Sharon had distracted Brenda enough to keep her from getting sick and Brenda knew that this was intentional. As Brenda walked off the plane, she felt her stomach flutter but she didn’t feel sick. Brenda wasn’t exactly sure what kind of feeling it was but it did not feel bad.


	5. Take your Daughter to Work Day

While waiting for their bags to appear on the baggage claim carousal, Brenda received a group text message from David and Fritz that read, “Challenge of the Day: Try to get Sharon to take public transportation instead of a taxi. She always takes a taxi and she needs to branch out. “

Brenda: _She pays for a taxi??!_

Brenda walked up to Sharon after pulling her own bag off the carousal and told her that she would meet her over by the MetroLink station once she got her luggage.But when Brenda turned to walk toward the metro station, Sharon called after Brenda. “The Metro? Oh no, no, no…Brenda? Come back here. I don’t take that… metro thing. We can just take a taxi to the airport.”

Brenda turned around and smiled teasingly while walking backward and said, “or you could do something new and I can teach you how to do it.” Sharon pursed her lips together and apprehensively considered Brenda’s offer.

As Sharon caught up with Brenda she said, “Ok…well, I guess I can try it but if something happens, I will be very peeved with you.”

Brenda: (Mockingly) _Peeved huh?_  

Sharon only smiled and looked at Brenda out of the corner of her eyes as they made their way to the MetroLink station.

As Brenda and Sharon were waiting for their bus to pick them up at the station, Sharon asked, “so who put you up to this idea? This idea for you to get me on a public transportation system, that is.” Brenda pretended to look shocked by opening her mouth in disbelief, trying to convey the absurdity in Sharon’s question. “You can shut your mouth, Brenda, I know the boys were talking about me with you when I came in to Will’s office this morning. What did they say?” 

Brenda couldn’t help but then sing like a canary. She didn’t really trust this woman. Sharon was so inconsistent with her how could she trust her? But for some reason Brenda ended up spilling Pope’s advice from earlier and Fritz's and David’s challenge to get Sharon on the metro. If anyone else was watching this scenario unfold; that is, anyone watching besides Brenda and Sharon, they would have seen that this was the moment when Brenda pledged her loyalty to Sharon. Although unfortunately, Sharon didn’t see it like that at first. 

Brenda: _They said that you had trouble sleeping but a drink would help._

Sharon: T _wo drinks.Two drinks, Brenda. And Will’s an asshole._

Brenda: _And they challenged me to get you on the metro because they said you like taxis._

Sharon (Holding her hands out palms up in disbelief):  _Who doesn’t like taxis?_

Brenda: _And they said_ (long pause)… _they said that you liked to be rocked to sleep._

Sharon: _Oh come on! That is ridiculous! Why did you have to tell me this, Brenda? That is completely INSANE!_

Trying to do damage control, Brenda attempted to smooth things over with Sharon. “Ok, I am sorry. I am really, really sorry. I overstepped.” However, it appeared that Sharon wasn’t letting her guard down any time soon. 

Clearly Sharon was a little more than _peeved_ by this point. Brenda possessed enough empathy to understand why this information must have been humiliating for her to hear; that her colleagues had made such personal assumptions about her. Brenda didn’t quite understand Sharon’s relationship to Pope, but if they were in fact having an affair, then Brenda could see why this information would have bothered Sharon.

Sharon was quiet the whole metro ride to the hotel. Brenda kept her eye on Sharon on the bus but Sharon was giving no indication that she wanted to talk with Brenda. After Sharon and Brenda checked into the hotel, Sharon told Brenda that she wanted to be alone so that she could call her family, eat dinner, and then work on her testimony. Brenda told Sharon that she understood and she would see her in the morning. Although, Brenda was indeed disappointed that Sharon didn’t want to eat dinner with her. She was starving and was also curious to know more about Sharon’s life.

Brenda’s disappointment about not spending some more time getting to know Sharon quickly vanished when Brenda walked into her hotel room and saw her huge, comfy bed and a room service menu on the desk. Brenda started relishing in the fact that she was alone in her room and didn’t have to be on her game to impress her superior. She ordered room service, put on her lounge wear and then stretched out in her big bed and turned on a rerun of Buffy. While watching Spike and Drusilla wreck havoc in Sunnydale, Brenda started texting Fritz and David about how well Sharon took to the metro challenge.

Fritz: _I wouldn’t have guessed she would have followed you to the metro so easily. Did she feed you?_

Brenda: _Nah, I ordered room service. I am enjoying being alone with my gooey chocolate cake._

David: _ahhh, you’ve learned to retreat :) Good girl._

As Brenda was writing her response to David’s text, she saw the banner at the top of her screen display a text from Sharon.

Sharon: _Can you come help me with my testimony? I am in Room 632._

Brenda: _No problem, be up there in a minute._

Brenda reluctantly pushed back her bed covers, put on a sweater and her sandals and then headed up to Sharon’s room. On one hand Brenda was nervous about seeing her colleague in a personal space such as her hotel room while also feeling like she didn’t have enough knowledge to help Sharon with her testimony but on the other hand Brenda was pleased that Sharon was asking for her help and she was also curious about how Sharon did things in her personal time. Brenda wondered what her hotel room would be like. Was Sharon messy or neat? Would Sharon still be dressed professionally this close to bedtime or would she be dressed down in her lounging clothes?

As Brenda approached the door to Sharon’s room, the door immediately swung open without Brenda even having to knock. 

Brenda: _Good grief, were you looking through the peephole?_

Sharon: _Just get in here, will you? I need you to give me pointers for tomorrow._

As Brenda entered the room she was overwhelmed with the aroma of citrus. She looked around but she couldn’t tell where the smell was coming from. Brenda walked over to the desk in the corner of the room and took a seat. She looked around at the room which was kept very neat. The bed was still made, unlike Brenda’a and all of Sharon’s clothes were either in drawers or her suitcase. When Sharon walked by Brenda, she smelled the citrus again. Sharon was wearing leggings and a light hooded sweater. Her hair was pulled up into a high ponytail and she was wearing black rimmed glasses that distorted Sharon’s eyes. Brenda assumed that Sharon’s eyes must have been really bad for her to need such thick glasses. Sharon leaned against the window holding a printed and clipped packet of paper in her hand.

Sharon: _Ok, Brenda. I am going to give you my testimony and I need for you to give me constructive feedback. But I want you to be brutal._

Brenda: _Ok, Commander I will do the best I can do._

Sharon: _Will you please stop calling me commander?_

Brenda: _I guess…Maybe I will at some point…I can start trying._

Sharon (sighing and rolling her eyes): G _eez…ok, let’s get started on this. I am very tired._

When Sharon read through her testimony the first time, it took an hour and a half with all of the tips Brenda had suggested. Sharon was pleased at the constructive feedback that she had given her but each time Brenda suggested changes, Sharon wanted to reread the testimony which added length into the night. Watching Sharon practice for her testimony, Brenda was in awe of Sharon’s brilliance. She noticed how quickly Sharon thought through decisions and how she articulately explained her opinions. By the second run-through of Sharon’s speech, Brenda had moved from sitting at the desk to the edge of Sharon’s bed. By the third run-through, Brenda had taken it upon herself to lean against the bed’s headboard and stretch out her legs. Hours flew by and both Brenda and Sharon had critiqued the testimony to death. By the end of the last run-through, Brenda was extremely tired and she desperately wanted Sharon to release her back to her own room.

Sharon finished writing down the last of Brenda’s corrections and then stopped what she was doing long enough to take a look at Brenda lying on the bed hugging a bed pillow. Brenda looked up to see Sharon watching her and became slightly embarrassed at how comfortable she had made herself in someone else’s hotel room. As Brenda sat up, Sharon walked over to her and swatted Brenda’s knees a couple times with the printed copy of her testimony and said, “get out of here, Missy. It is past your bedtime and mine too I need you fresh for tomorrow.”

Brenda yawned and smiled and said then goodnight and then walked to her own room a couple floors down. As she crawled back into her bed in her own room, she glanced at her phone and found a message from Sharon.

Sharon: _Where’s my bedtime story? You forgot to rock me to sleep ;)_

Brenda: _haha…well, you certainly seem more relaxed now than you did before I came over. Why don’t you tell me the story of the emerald ring you wear._

Sharon: _Ah…that’s just the ring Jack got me after Ricky was born. I’ve always liked it because it reminds me of my kids._

Brenda: _It is beautiful. What are your kids like?_

Sharon: _Oh Brenda, not right now. When I go on travel, I finally have the time to chat with my friends and I would love to spend some time talking to them right now. When you’re a working mom you will understand._

Brenda: _Ok, sure. Goodnight, Sharon. I will see you tomorrow._

Sharon: _Nite!_

That was not the way that Brenda had expected that conversation to go. She wasn’t exactly sure why Sharon had started the texting conversation in the first place. She had assumed Sharon was likely teasing Brenda about her bedtime story and being rocked to sleep but she at least thought that Sharon was opening up to her. But then why the 180? If Sharon had wanted to talk with her friends then why did she text Brenda in the first place? Brenda was confused and irritated so she decided to sink her teeth into Spike and Drusilla again before she drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, Brenda got dressed in her navy suit. She took the flat iron to her curly hair to make large, smooth curls and then pulled half of it into a medium sized barrette. When she met Sharon in the lobby of the hotel, Sharon was wearing a black pants suit with a teal, laced blouse underneath. Sharon spotted Brenda from the elevators and smiled brightly. “You look great, Brenda!”However, once she looked Brenda up and down she added, “your suit is a little big on you though, but I will take you suit shopping with me sometime.” Brenda rolled her eyes when Sharon turned to walk out the door and thought, “sure you will. You say that, but then you’ll rather take your friends suit shopping.”

After they arrived at the courthouse, Sharon introduced Brenda to several different people including DAs, judges, and even law professors. Sharon seemed so well-respected in this field and rightly so. She carried such poise and confidence. As Brenda was talking to one of Sharon’s friends from the St. Louis DA’s office, Brenda noticed that Sharon took her purse and exited the lobby area then headed toward the restroom. After Brenda came to an appropriate stopping place with her conversation with the DA, she excused herself to go into the restroom to check on Sharon. Sharon was dabbing cold sink water on the back of her neck when Brenda entered the restroom.

Brenda: _Sharon…are you feeling ok?_

Sharon: _I’m a little nervous, Brenda. I kept thinking that Will would be doing this with me and now I am concerned I will mess up._

Brenda walked over to Sharon and took out her water bottle so Sharon could have a sip. Brenda looked at Sharon through the mirror and said, “Your testimony last night was perfect. They can’t crack that, nor you. If you could feel as confident as you look then there is no stoping you.”

Sharon smiled at Brenda’s vote of confidence. But then Sharon said something that Brenda wasn’t anticipating at all. “Brenda, I need you to stand up there with me and control my media throughout the testimony.” Disbelief…a splash of panic…Brenda wasn’t quite sure what she felt in that moment but she did NOT want this task that she hadn’t even practiced for with Sharon. Brenda didn’t know when to click from one slide to the next nor had she practiced the media animations in order to sync them with Sharon’s speech.

Brenda: _Heh, Sharon, they have experts who control the technology during the testimony, I hardly think I would be the right person for this job._

But Sharon only glared at her like Brenda had just betrayed her. Was this a guilt trip or another one of Sharon’s strange tests? No other expert witness had their colleague, mother, brother, spouse, or even friend stand with them during their testimony. Brenda was about to make her first public professional appearance as a slide clicker. 

Brenda: _All right, well, let’s do this then. I will control your media._

Sharon (smiling): _Thank you, Brenda. Let’s go set up._

Back at the SFPD, Pope, David, Fritz, and Amy were sitting in Pope’s office listening to Sharon’s testimony through a conference call while Pope stayed on the line in case he needed to help clarify information or answer any of the court’s questions. A text message came through to Fritz’s phone from one of his friends who happened to be in the courtroom watching Sharon (and Brenda) give the testimony.

Friend of Fritz: _What’s going on at the SFPD these days? Is it take your daughter to work day? Lol!_

Fritz: _What are you talking about?_

Friend of Fritz: _Some little blonde is assisting Sharon with her slides. She is clicking them for her. Can’t be more than 16 years old. Is it her daughter...seriously?_

“Oh dear God, you have to be kidding me,” Fritz said as he showed the text message to Pope, David, and Amy. “What was she thinking making Brenda do that?” 

Pope: _I think that is the problem, Fritz, Sharon is not thinking right now._  

No one in Pope’s office really knew how to respond to this information. It was slightly funny, imagining Brenda click through Sharon’s testimony while Sharon spoke to the court, but the situation was also ridiculous. Did Sharon get Brenda to do this task because she was using Brenda or was it because Brenda made her feel more confident and secure? Since Sharon was difficult to read, it was hard to tell.

Pope: I _think Sharon’s made Brenda her bitch._


	6. Brenda' First Summer at the SFPD: May

Brenda’s trip to St. Louis with Sharon came at the very end of April, which meant that the SFPD was gearing up for the summer months. Just like the rest of the country and perhaps parts of the world, the summer season in San Francisco that year was filled with outdoor parties, ice cream outings, slow summer nights, and new love interests. Exciting opportunities for Brenda awaited her in the months following her return from St. Louis. Brenda became the coveted golden girl of not only her division but the entire SFPD. 

Brenda’s relationship with David and Amy deepened and she soon considered them two of her closest friends. They each took turns having dinner parties at each others’ condos where they would most likely wind down the evening with a session of Dance Dance Revolution, an ice cream 'party', or a movie. David and Amy grew confident that Brenda was reliable, someone they could trust, and was there to assist them with any case or personal issue they may have. Brenda knew things that most people her age didn’t because she had both the street smarts and social skills to handle any issue that came her way.

Fritz also became a trusted work companion of Brenda’s. Fritz had invaluable experience that for which provided Brenda with a handy resource for understanding the knowledge and skills to perform on the job. On a more personal level, Fritz often hinted at taking Brenda somewhere away from the police department such as a lunch at a nearby cafe or a walk along the wharf however Brenda never failed at declining his invitations. As much as Brenda enjoyed Fritz’s company and friendship, she did not want to pursue a romantic relationship with him. Whether the reason was because she was afraid of mixing business with personal or that she just did not feel attracted to him, Brenda was not sure. 

The relationship triangle forming among Brenda, Sharon, and Pope that summer was the basis of bitterness, despair, confusion, and deep love that would surface all at different points within the year to come. Throughout the summer, Brenda broke her own rules of mixing business with pleasure when it came to Sharon and Pope. Carelessly, Brenda rationalized her relationship with her superiors by equating it to her relationship with Amy and David. She believed it was completely innocent, for in her mind Pope and Sharon probably had their own love affair brewing and they brought Brenda along so they could spend time together without anyone becoming suspicious. Enjoying the perks that came with being a chaperone were well worth it for Brenda. She was able to enjoy more cases, additional work trips, personal day outings, and by the end of summer, both Sharon and Pope treated her like she was the bright, shining star in their lives.

But before discussing the end of Brenda’s first summer at the SFPD, it is important to understand the little moments that happened to get to that point. These are the stones that built the foundation of the relationship triangle among Brenda, Pope, and Sharon and ultimately the stones that created the strongest relationship bond between two people that ever existed. In order to tell the story properly, recall the late spring day in St. Louis when Brenda became Sharon’s slide clicker…

 

After Sharon delivered her phenomenal testimony with Brenda’s support, Sharon asked Brenda to go to lunch with her at a nearby restaurant within walking distance from the courthouse. While walking down the sandstone staircase of the courthouse, the two women were approached by a DA named, Bobby, that Sharon was assisting by giving her expert testimony. 

DA: _Sharon, Hi! Your testimony was perfect. I can never thank you and your colleague enough for your dedication to this case._

Sharon: _Thank you, Bobby. Bobby, this is my colleague, Brenda, Brenda, this is Bobby, the DA for our case._

Brenda shook Bobby’s hand and was pleased to be networking with another DA. Sharon watched Brenda shake Bobby's hand and it was evident by the smile on her face that Sharon was enjoying introducing Brenda to new people. Sharon enjoyed being the one help move Brenda along in her career.

Bobby: _You know, Sharon, this area around the hotel and courthouse is spectacular. I don’t know if you’ve gotten the chance to explore a little since you’ve been here, but there is a beautiful park about a half a mile up the road. It might be something worth looking into later if you have some free time. Maybe you and Brenda would like to take a moonlight stroll this evening together in the park._

Brenda coughed a little in bewilderment. Sharon and Brenda then glanced at each other with puzzled looks on their faces. Brenda wasn’t quite sure what it was like in St. Louis, but in Atlanta, moonlight strolls were taken by those involved in a romantic nature. As Bobby excused himself and said goodbye, Sharon and Brenda continued their walk toward the restaurant for lunch.

Brenda: _Moonlight stroll?_

Sharon: _That was strange wasn’t it?_

Brenda: _Although, on the other hand, going to that park might be fun to see. And it would be fun to walk around an explore something new._

Sharon only hmmmmmed apprehensively at Brenda's sense of adventure.

Sharon: Y _ou know, I think I’ve heard of that park. I think there have been several murders of famous interns in that park._

Brenda (looking doubtful): _Sharon, I think you’re getting confused with Rock Creek Park in DC._

Sharon (laughing): _Oh, you may be right. But I have to think about my kids in this situation. I cannot leave my kids motherless right now._

Brenda: _Oh, for heaven’s sake, Sharon! It’s a park, not a parachute jump. And did you forget that you’re a police officer? I think you can take it._

Sharon: _Ok Brenda, we’ll see. Let's just go get lunch and tackle one thing at a time, shall we?_

When Brenda enjoyed something, she savored the little things about the situation. Brenda thoroughly enjoyed her lunch with Sharon that day. She enjoyed walking with Sharon in the springtime air and hearing more stories about how Sharon chose her career and the things Sharon did when she was Brenda’s age. She then enjoyed sitting in the courthouse with her after lunch and looking over to find Sharon’s head had fallen straight back when she fell asleep, only to wake up when Brenda lightly put her hand on Sharon's knee. Brenda enjoyed going to a trendy restaurant with Sharon that evening and hearing about how Sharon grew up in Wyoming with parents who were both professors and a house full of sisters. And then Brenda enjoyed knowing that Sharon trusted Brenda enough to walk with her in that beautiful park that evening. When Brenda went back to her hotel room that night, and brushed her teeth and got ready for bed, Brenda enjoyed crawling into her bed with her cell phone to find a couple messages from Sharon. Yet, instead of dismissing Brenda early like she had the previous night, Sharon and Brenda continued to text into the late hours of the night like old friends. Sharon didn’t feel like just another friend to Brenda. She felt like she must have known Sharon for hundreds of years. How could she enjoy being around a person she really barely knew? It was unexplainable but Brenda did enjoy it and she was beginning to think that Sharon felt the same way about her.

Their seats were not together on the return flight from St. Louis to San Fransisco. “I wish we could text on the plane,” Brenda said. “That would be fun,” said Sharon while giving Brenda a sympathetic smile. Sitting two rows in front of Brenda, Sharon occasionally popped her head up from her seat to look at Brenda. Brenda would smile and wave. And when their plane landed and Brenda and Sharon picked up their luggage and it was time for them to part, Sharon walked up to Brenda, held out her arms and hugged her briefly. While Brenda inhaled the smell of citrus from Sharon's body, she felt the sadness that comes with the inevitable parting of ways for the time being. But then Sharon said, “It’s late, I will call you on my way home so we can keep each other up.” And then the looming separation didn’t feel so bad anymore. After Brenda got home and hung up the phone with Sharon, Sharon sent her a text that said, “Goodnight, Travel Girl!”

Upon returning to the SFPD after her trip to St. Louis, Brenda ran into Pope in the hallway of the division and he greeted her by saying with a smirk, “how’s mom?” Rolling her eyes at the slight about Sharon, Brenda said, “oh please, it wasn’t that bad. She needed help with her slides and I was able to do so.” “Ok Brenda, as long as she doesn’t treat you like a child.” Just then Sharon appeared out of nowhere and said, “who are we treating like a child?” Reluctantly, Pope then told Sharon about the text that Fritz had received during Sharon’s testimony. Sharon was once again more than peeved.

Sharon: _Take your daughter to work day? What the hell, Will? This is what is going on during my testimony?_

Amy and David then came out in the hall to hear the commotion. David spoke softly to Amy, “oh no, someone is going to get tarred and feathered?”

Sharon (raising her voice): _I hardly think I will tar and feather anyone, Sergeant!_

Brenda: S _haron,  I don’t think it is that bad. It’s kind of cute that they thought we were close._

Sharon: _Cute? Brenda, this is not cute. This is not a compliment. It is insulting to both of us!_

What was insulting to Brenda was that Sharon was making such a big deal about this. And why wasn’t it a compliment? The thought of mother/daughter relationships were lovely to Brenda. Brenda was missing something and did not understand Sharon's distain. Something about that statement from Fritz’s friend threatened Sharon in some way that Brenda couldn't put her finger on.

Brenda went back to her office with David and Amy and then Amy leaned over to Brenda and whispered, “it makes her feel old. She’s not that much older than you and she doesn’t want to be compared to your mother.” Brenda hadn’t really thought of it like that. Brenda was only thinking about the closeness of the relationship and not the age factor. Brenda understood now why Sharon would be have taken this harder than Brenda.

 

Just like at the end of every work day, Brenda walked over to Anne’s office to say goodbye to her before she left for the day. But this time Anne had a proposition for Brenda that was hard to decline. 

Anne: _Hey, Brenda, do you want to help me make a diaper cake for my daughter this Saturday? She is due to have her baby in a few weeks.  I asked Sharon about it and she says that we can both come over to her house to make the cake. I thought it would be something fun that we could do together on a weekend away from the office. I will drive us over to Sharon’s together._

Brenda: _That would be great! I would like that very much, Anne.  I will meet you over at your house so we can ride together. See you Saturday!_

Brenda was delighted at the idea of going over to Sharon’s house and even more pleased that she had Anne to go with her. If she was honest with herself, Brenda didn’t feel fully comfortable yet spending time with Sharon’s husband and kids but having Anne there provided Brenda with the ease of familiarity. Brenda had caught a glimpse of Sharon’s personal side on their trip to St. Louis but a whole different and domestic part to Sharon existed that Brenda had yet to see. Brenda wondered how Sharon was as a parent and how she interacted with her husband. The only affection Brenda had ever seen Sharon give anyone was Brenda herself when Sharon hugged her at the airport. For all Brenda knew, Sharon was still miffed at the humiliation she was facing over the idea of her being old enough to be Brenda’s mother. 

 

At home in bed that night, Brenda switched on her canopy glow light as she put away her mystery novel into her night stand. Curling onto her side and snuggling into her pillow she saw her bed sheets light up. Pulling out her phone, she read the teasing message that eased her concerns about spending time at Sharon's the next day.

Sharon: Goodnight, Daughter ;) See you tomorrow. 


	7. The Two Visits to Sharon’s House

The slow summertime feel in the air had Brenda feeling and acting a little lazy with her time and her own personal guard, as she was letting it down. Not being as overly cautious as she typically was, Brenda found herself feeling free to do things she normally wouldn’t do.

On the day that Brenda and Anne were to visit Sharon, Brenda arrived at Anne’s doorstep with a bag full of diapers for the diaper cake and a basket full of oatmeal cookies for their snacking. Anne lived in a quaint beach bungalow, within walking distance of Brenda’s own condo. Sharon, on the other hand, lived closer to the city. It would take about a 30 minute drive for Anne and Brenda to get to Sharon’s house. Therefore,  Brenda thought the cookies were necessary to keep them all satisfied during the drive. 

As Anne welcomed Brenda into her home and into the living room, Brenda noticed a young, blonde girl, about 9 years old, seated at the computer in the kitchen alcove.

Anne: _Brenda, this is my granddaughter, Ellen. She wants to help us make the diaper cake for her mother and I was thinking she would like to play with Sharon’s kids since they are around the same age._  

Ellen looked up from the computer and smiled at Brenda and then offered her hand for Brenda to shake. Brenda enjoyed being around kids below the age of 13 because they typically hadn’t lost their innocence yet. Brenda offered Ellen a cookie for which the girl gladly accepted. Ellen was a very sweet child and Brenda assumed she was mature for her age. 

Anne, Brenda, and Ellen climbed in Anne’s car to begin their departure toward Sharon’s. Not long into the drive, Brenda received a text from Sharon.

Sharon: _Have you guys left yet?_  

Brenda: _We are on the road now! See you soon!_

Sharon: _Great! When you get near my town area and you see the chickens, turn left on the next street._

Chickens? Brenda was under the impression that Sharon lived closer to the city so why were chickens even a factor into this equation? Brenda explained Sharon’s visually descriptive directions to Anne. “We are supposed to turn left when we see the chickens.” Anne being the calm person she was just smiled at Brenda and said, “ahh yes, Sharon lives just outside of the city in the suburbs. It isn’t quite rural but I have heard her mention the chickens before.” “Well, okay, then,” Brenda thought.

Brenda and Anne turned onto Sharon’s street, then pulled up to Sharon’s modest ranch-style house where a large climbing tree stood in the front yard and a massive palm covered the front window. Before they could even get out of the car, a young girl with wavy light brown hair ran out to the car to greet them. She didn’t say anything but just stared at Brenda with her mouth open like she was in awe at what she saw. Not sure what to do, Brenda began to introduce herself. “Hello, my name is Brenda, what is your name?” “Emily,” the young girl said. Emily didn’t stick around to chat, instead she spotted Ellen from the backseat, opened up the car door and pulled her out of the car to play. Both girls ran into the backyard to play for the rest of the afternoon. 

Anne and Brenda carried the bags of diapers to the front door of the house. Before they reached the front of the house, Sharon was already coming through the front door to greet them. She was dressed casually in jean shorts that rolled up neatly and she had a rose colored tank top that made her lightly tanned skin stand out. She smiled as she greeted them, introduced them to her golden retriever that ran from the door, and then took the items from their hands. As Anne and Brenda walked into the foyer, a tall, middle aged man came out of another room to greet his guests. “Anne and Brenda, this is my husband, Jackson,” said Sharon. The man immediately interrupted anything further Sharon was about to say and said, “call me Jack, please. Or you can call me Pierce Bronson if you like since people tell me all the time that I look like him.” Brenda wasn’t sure if he was joking or not. By no means was he an unattractive man but it was a bit presumptuous to tell strangers he believed he was as handsome as a movie star. Brenda caught Sharon’s eye after she shook Jack’s hand and they both exchanged the same look that told them that they thought Jack was FOS. 

Brenda met Ricky as he zipped past her while chasing after his sister and Ellen in a game of hide and seek. “Hey, what’s up” was all the child could manage to say. “Priorities,” Brenda thought while smiling. For the next two hours, Anne, Brenda, and Sharon stood around the dining room table and did their best trying to assemble their first attempt at a diaper cake. Jack often made an appearance and came back and forth from the bedroom to the dining room table to observe what the three women were doing. He occasionally inserted his opinion of his observations of how things were going.

“So Brenda,“Jack began, “I’ve heard a lot about you from Sharon. She seems to think you’re pretty good at what you do.” Brenda was very pleased at the compliment from Sharon and her face couldn’t hide what she was felling. But then Jack continued with a warning that made both Brenda and Sharon feel uneasy. “Be careful though, Sharon loves the young ones but then leaves them when a bright and shiny, brand new person comes along.” Brenda felt a little flustered at his statement and Sharon could tell. Shared turned her gaze toward Jack and glared at him while saying, “maybe you could go supervise the children around the pool to insure no one gets hurt.” Brenda didn’t know whether this was something typical of Jack to say because he wasn’t good in social situations or whether Sharon was indeed a flakey friend who used and abused them. Not knowing both Jack or Sharon that well, Brenda decided to be wary of them both until she found out more about them.

The completed diaper cake looked like something resembling a cake from the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party. It was colorful, tall, and slanted slightly as it towered upward. However, the women were pleased with their final product and to celebrate, Sharon asked if Anne and Brenda would like to go on a bike ride to a nearby creek. When Jack heard Sharon’s question he immediately protested and called out to Sharon with caution, “honey, I don’t think that is a good idea. I am getting pretty tired and the kids are going to be too hungry by the time you all get back.” While he was still talking, he walked up to Sharon from behind and squeezed her tightly around the waist and laid several kisses on her cheek. Then he continued his persuasion to put an end to Sharon’s bike ride idea. “I also thought we could go to bed early today, if you know what I mean.” Highly disturbed and annoyed by this point, Brenda looked away while thinking, “why doesn’t he let her go on a bike ride with her friends? Why is he hinting at having sex with her while her friends and colleagues are still here?” Brenda was not impressed and Anne seemed to be just as uncomfortable by Jack’s behavior.

Brenda: _I think that’s our cue to leave._

Not waiting for a reply from Sharon, Anne gently picked up her purse and gracefully walked outside to gather Ellen from the pool. As Brenda picked up her own purse, Sharon shrugged her husband off of her back, clearly irritated with him, and walked over to Brenda.  Sharon pulled Brenda to the side of the kitchen out of earshot of Jack. Sharon put her hand on Brenda’s shoulder and sighed, “I’m sorry Brenda, let’s try to go on a bike ride soon. Maybe you can come over again some time?” Sharon seemed genuinely apologetic for her husband’s behavior which told Brenda that Sharon was embarrassed. However, Brenda wasn’t sure what was going on between Sharon and her husband. Why on earth would Jack be jealous of two women taking up a couple hours of Sharon’s time?  It wan’t like Sharon was going on a bike ride with Pope. Brenda tried to assure Sharon that there would be more time to spend together in the future. “Oh course, Sharon. Don’t worry, we will get together soon.” And Brenda was hopeful that it would not be at Sharon’s house.

 

Unfortunately, Brenda’s hopes for not returning to Sharon’s house any time soon were shattered within a couple of weeks when Pope announced that he, Brenda, and Sharon needed to take a two hour drive  out to Monterey to interview a physician whose sister was murdered after a tragic home invasion one evening. Pope had further explained that he and Brenda would drive together and pick Sharon up at her house on their way to Monterey. Brenda offered to drive her car since she had an SUV and Pope willingly accepted since he did not favor driving.

Brenda was surprised that Pope suggested picking Sharon up at her house. Had he not met Sharon’s husband yet? On their way to Sharon’s, Brenda took it upon herself to determine whether or not Pope had ever been to Sharon’s house and furthermore, whether or not he had met Jack. Brenda was itching to get to the bottom of Pope and Sharon’s relationship.

Brenda: _I’ve been here once but I can’t remember which direction I go when I see the chickens._

Pope: _Good God, the chickens? Are you kidding me? Sharon lives in farm country?_

Brenda tried to read Pope as she stared at him sitting in the passenger’s seat. Either Pope was just as good of a liar as she was or he had never been to Sharon’s house. Brenda was aggravated that she couldn’t use her interviewing skills to figure out Pope and Sharon’s relationship. 

Brenda: _Oh, so you’ve never been to Sharon’s huh?_

Pope: _Nope_

Brenda: _But you’ve met her husband?_

Pope: _Yes, I have met old Jack Sparrow._

Brenda raised one eyebrow and looked at Pope with uncertainty. He sounded like he knew something about Jack but wasn’t giving much away. 

Brenda (sarcastically): _So…what, he reminds you of a pirate or something?_

Pope just grinned and then added “Let’s just say that I keep my distance from people like Jack.” Brenda didn’t say anything after that. From the small encounter she had with Jack herself, she didn’t disagree with Pope that she too wanted to keep her distance. 

When they pulled into Sharon’s driveway, Brenda turned off the car and began to get out to go fetch Sharon from her house, but as she opened the driver’s side door, she noticed that Pope wasn’t getting out of the car.

Brenda: _You’re staying in the car?_

Pope: _Yep_

Pope looked extremely uncomfortable sitting in the car and he stared straight ahead not looking at any of his surroundings. Brenda tossed her keys to Pope and assured him that she wouldn’t be long. When Brenda rang the bell, Emily answered the door and pulled Brenda inside quickly and said, “Brenda! Come see if you can fit underneath my bed because we need to hide from Ricky and his friend.” Just as Brenda was about to excuse herself back outside to wait for Sharon in the car, Sharon appeared from the kitchen laughing and said, “Emily, Brenda and I have to go to work. On our way home, Brenda will come in and see if she can fit underneath your bed then.” Brenda just looked at Sharon incredulously. How in the world would Brenda be able to fit underneath a small girl’s bed? And furthermore, why would she want to? Sometimes Brenda felt like she was on the earth for other people’s entertainment purposes, especially when it came to Sharon Raydor. 

Sharon grabbed her bag, and her bowl of oatmeal and yelled goodbye to her children. As she walked with Brenda down the walkway toward Brenda’s car, Brenda noticed that Sharon hadn’t said goodbye to her husband.

Brenda: _Is Jack in there?_

Sharon: _hmmm, I hope so. He is supposed to watch the kids._

Brenda rolled her eyes at Sharon’s slight tease and then opened the door to the back seat for Sharon to get in the car. When Brenda started the car, Pope said, “I see Mom has brought her breakfast with her…smells like you put peanut butter in your oatmeal.” Sharon cocked her head to the side and glared at Pope like she thought he was the biggest moron that ever walked the face of the earth. “How long are you going to refer to me as, _Mom_ ,” Sharon asked. Pope only shrugged at Sharon and then turned to wink at Brenda. 

The remaining time spent in the car with Pope and Sharon was quite enjoyable for Brenda. She heard Sharon and Pope’s perspective of the different members of the Priority Homicide Division. For example, they both believed Irene was too rigid and would never loosen up to find a partner and they both placed bets that Julio would end up in jail within the next five years. However, when Pope started to give his take on David, both Brenda and Sharon became slightly defensive.

Pope: _He’s definitely gay._

Brenda: _What? Come on!_

Sharon: _No, he isn’t and even if he was, so what?_

Pope: I _t’s not a bad thing. I am just saying that he is. Look how he takes to Anne so much._

Sharon: _That is ridiculous. We all take to Anne, YOU take to Anne. Does that mean we are all gay?_

Pope was obviously enjoying the reaction he stirred within both of his carpool buddies. He sat back in his seat and smiled at the silence he caused and watched as Sharon and Brenda both ruminated.

They arrived at the large condominium where they were meetingwith the physician and parked in a four-story parking garage. Then they made their way up the elevators to meet with the physician in her condo. The meeting with the middle aged woman went well. The physician had prepared booklets containing documents and slides which illustrated graphical visuals for the three law enforcement officers. After meeting with the physician for a couple of hours, Pope decided to let the physician take an hour break for lunch so he and his teammates could regroup and think of more questions to ask so that they could more competently find her sister’s killer.

Before going down to the lobby for lunch, Sharon informed Brenda and Pope that she needed to use the restroom but she would meet them both in the lobby downstairs. As Pope and Brenda stood at the elevator doors to go down, they heard the elevator chime that signaled its arrival to their floor. And then to Brenda and Pope’s astonishment, as the elevator doors opened, a familiar looking, middle aged man hurriedly walked off the elevator and down the hall. Brenda and Pope then exchanged the same look of disbelief as they slowly got onto to the elevator in silence. Brenda broke the silence and asked the question they both already knew the answer to.

Brenda: _Was that Jack? What is he doing here?_

Pope: _How did he even know where we were...that is what I want to know._

Brenda: _Well, where is he going? The bathroom? Does he even know Sharon is in the bathroom? And wasn’t he supposed to be staying with their kids?_

Trying to comprehend what they just saw and the implications for what they just saw, Brenda and Pope decided to take a seat in the bar of the lobby. They sat in the bar for about 15 minutes until Brenda’s phone rang. “It’s Sharon,” she said. Pope listened to Brenda’s short conversation with Sharon and when she ended the call, Pope asked her what was going on.

Brenda: _She said she is not going to be able to finish the interview and she won’t be able to drive home with us._

Pope: _Are you kidding me? What is wrong with that guy? He must have a tracking device on her. Did she say why her husband drove two hours out here? And where are her kids?_

Just then, things again took another surprising turn. Brenda and Pope watched as Jack stepped off the elevator and walked out the front door of the condominium. 

Brenda: _Where is he going?_

Pope didn’t need to answer that question because they both soon saw that Jack was driving his car out of the garage and toward the direction of the interstate. 

Pope: _I guess Sharon’s riding home with us after all._

Brenda found herself happy Sharon would be riding home with them. She started to feel strangely protective of Sharon and she didn’t want her to be around an angry Jack, even if he was Sharon’s husband.

Ten minutes later, Sharon came off the elevator. She looked solemn but smiled at both Pope and Brenda when she saw them at the bar. “Are you okay,” Brenda asked. “I think so. I sent him home because he overstepped his bounds.I am pretty sure he is tracking me but we can talk about that later. What do you say we wrap this interview up and then head on home? I want to make sure my kids don’t get PTSD from wherever he left them”

After quickly finishing the rest of the interview with the physician, Brenda, Sharon, and Pope walked out to the car to begin their long drive home. As Brenda opened the driver’s side door of her car, Sharon hesitated getting into the car and put her hand on Brenda’s shoulder and gently turned her around so that she could look at her face. Sharon looked concerned. “Are you okay to drive, honey? Will, come over here and look at Brenda’s face.” Pope walked around to Brenda’s side of the car so that he could look at her face. “Your face is pretty red, Brenda,” Pope said and then he put the back of his hand on Brenda’s forehead. “And you’re burning up.” Brenda felt her own cheek with the palm of her hand. “I don’t feel sick,” Brenda said as she looked at Sharon. Sharon didn’t take Brenda’s word for it and she swiped Brenda’s keys from her hand and said, “get in the passenger’s seat, I am driving home. Will, you can sit in the back with my leftover oatmeal.” 

On the drive home, Brenda sat back in her seat as the three of them rode down the highway.  Looking over at Sharon driving her car, she noticed the look of happiness on Sharon’s face as she laughed at Pope’s corny jokes. On that drive home, neither of them had any worries. Sharon didn’t think about the confrontation she had with her husband, Pope didn’t dwell on his divorce, and Brenda didn’t feel like she was coming down with something.  If she felt sick at all, it was masked by the strong feelings of content she had over the current company she kept. Brenda’s feelings were so strong that she didn’t even mind when Sharon jokingly reminded her of her upcoming assignment.

“Don’t forget, Brenda, if you’re not too sick, we still need to determine if you can fit underneath Emily’s bed when we get home.”


	8. Brenda's and Amy's Birthday Celebration

By mid-summer, Brenda was blossoming into a wonderful investigator at the SFPD. Not only did her entire squad begin to respect her but her tireless work ethic soon captured the attention of the entire SFPD. The case Brenda did previously with Provenza earned her a nomination for the SFPD’s Early Investigator’s award. In late August, the SFPD held an awards ceremony at a local yacht club marina. All the nominees and their assigned assistant chiefs were invited to attend a dinner banquet followed by the announcement of award winners. When Anne handed Brenda her invitation to the banquet, she informed Brenda that she was able to bring one guest to join her with her assistant chief.    
 ****

As Brenda walked back into her office with her invitation clutched loosely in her hand, she immediately thought of what it would be like to bring Sharon as her guest to the banquet. She’d love to share her excitement of the possibility of her winning an award with her unofficial mentor. She would love for Sharon to feel proud of her and would want her to accept Brenda as her official protege come the fall. But as hopeful as Brenda was, she did not like feeling rejected by Sharon. She would continue to ponder the idea of asking Sharon to be her guest at the banquet. Once Brenda sat down in her office chair, her thoughts were soon interrupted by a much more light-hearted Amy.

Amy: _Hey, Brenda? Your birthday is in June isn’t it?_

Brenda: _Uhhh, yesssss, it is next weekend, why?_

Amy: _Well, because mine is in June as well… next week in fact. So I thought we could celebrate our birthdays together…maybe this weekend if you’re up for it._

Brenda was missing her family very much lately and the thought of spending her birthday alone this year made her feel even more homesick. Here mama always had a way of making Brenda feel very special on her birthday and she didn’t think anyone could ever be a replacement for her mother but perhaps spending her birthday with good friends could be an adequate substitution.

Brenda: _I like your way of thinking, Amy.What did you have in mind?_

Amy: _I am really into themed parties and I was thinking we could have a girls only, 80s dance party at one of the local clubs. Then we can all come back to my place to continue the party with tons of sugar, drinks, and fun games. Everyone can crash at my place on air mattresses. We can relive our youth!_

Brenda was thinking that wasn’t too far off from how she, Amy, and David acted around each other anyway. They all seemed to love to relive their youth. However, lately, Brenda was feeling too serious. She was spending many long hours at work and her social life was taking a dive. Brenda was approaching her one year anniversary at the SFPD and she had no other friends besides her colleagues. 

Brenda: _You can count me in. However can we add pranking the guys to our list of things to do that night? You know…Fritz, David, your new boyfriend…We could decorate their houses with crepe paper!_

David: _You do know that I can hear you, right?_

Brenda and Amy giggled, knowing very well that David could in fact hear them. 

Then to Amy’s and David’s surprise, Brenda blurted out, “We should invite Sharon.” Amy and David looked at each other and then rolled their eyes, while giving Brenda a look that told her they thought she had lost it.

David: _You want to invite Sharon to a fun party? Has that woman ever had fun in her life? I can’t even imagine her at a slumber party let alone an 80s dance party._

Brenda stared at David and tried to concentrate on what he was saying but soon grew worried that he was probably right and let her mind wander back to her banquet. David waved a hand in front of Brenda’s blank face. “Brenda, yoo hoo, as you would say… anyone in there?” But Brenda’s mind kept turning.  She wanted Sharon to say yes to going to the party but she didn’t want to be around an uncomfortable Sharon. Why did she want this so badly? The more and more she was around Sharon, the more she wanted to be around Sharon but she had no idea why. All her other friends were just as attentive and even more so. They were definitely more consistently kind. Brenda snapped out of her trance and decided to bite the bullet and march down to Sharon’s office to ask her to come to the party this weekend.

On her walk down to Sharon’s office, Anne stopped Brenda from inside her office as Brenda walked by and told her that if she was on her way to Sharon’s office, then Sharon had already left for the day. “But why don’t you call her on her way home,” Anne suggested. Brenda wrinkled her nose and said,  “Oh I don’t know. I don’t want to bother her during her time off.” Anne waved Brenda’s silliness aside. “No, no, I think she likes talking to people during her time off.” Brenda said, "Ok, ok I will think about it."

Returning to her office, Brenda pulled out her phone and tentatively dialed Sharon’s number and waited for her to answer. David and Amy stopped what they were working on so that they could be a more engaged audience.

Sharon: _Well, hello there, Miss Brenda._

Brenda: _Hi Sharon. How are you?_

Sharon: _Fine, just fine._

 

Silence

 

Sharon (clearing her throat): _Heeellllllllo? Can I help you, Brenda?_

Brenda: _ummm, sure…yes. I was wondering. Well, Amy and I, well it is really just Amy…_

Sharon (Interrupting): _I see…put Amy on the phone._

David and Amy were watching Brenda as she began to look more and more confused. Then Brenda took the phone away from her ear, covered the microphone, looked at Amy and said, “she wants to talk to you.” Amy raised one eyebrow at Brenda and took the phone away from her to speak to Sharon, while Brenda listened in on the conversation.

Amy: _Hi Sharon. What Brenda was trying to say is that we are having a birthday bash this weekend and we wanted to see if you would like to attend. It is an 80s themed dance party and you can crash at my place afterward. I will have Brenda text you the address._

While Amy spoke to Sharon she noted Brenda’s pale face. Brenda continued to listen but pretended to take down some notes.

Amy: _Yes, it is Brenda’s birthday too._

Amy: _Ok, great. I will let Brenda know. See you at the office tomorrow._

Amy: _Do you want me to put Brenda back on the phone?_

Amy: Oh  _Ok, I understand, bye._

Brenda: _What did she say?_

Amy: _She said she didn’t want to talk to you anymore on the phone because she thinks you forgot to take your meds this morning._

David: _What is with you and Sharon, Brenda? Why are you scared of her?_

Brenda shot David a sideways glance that let him know to zip it.

Amy: _She said she would love to come and she wants you to bring her something to wear. She said you already dress like you live in the 80s._

Brenda (Rolling her eyes): _Funny_

Amy: _Oh and she also said that she wants you to know that she is leaving for three weeks the next day to go on a family vacation._

Family vacation? Brenda wondered what Sharon’s family vacations consisted of. She imagined Sharon spending time with her kids and annoying husband on a luxurious tropical island. 

Amy: _Come on Brenda, it's time to go home. You can come to my place so we can plan the party._

 

By the time the weekend rolled around, Amy and Brenda were all set to host their birthday party at one of the local dance clubs. Amy knew the DJ at this particular club so they were pretty relaxed when Amy and Brenda started decorating the dance floor with balloons and streamers. Amy had even organized the club to send out fliers to all of the regulars to let them know that the theme on that Saturday night was 80s night. This made it seem like there were quite a few more people at their party than just Amy’s and Brenda’s friends.

The night of the party showed a beautiful turnout of dancers.Over 50 of the club’s regulars participated in the 80s theme by wearing 80s attire. Everyone was decked out in neon ruffled skirts, teased hair, and fingerless gloves. Brenda decided to wear a black, off the shoulder dress with a three-tired purple ruffle at the base. She had braided her curly hair the night before so that it had extra volume for her 80s look. She pulled half of it into a high side ponytail with a black scrunchie. 

When Sharon came into the club that evening, she was carrying an enormous cake. “This is a pull-apart cupcake cake that is filled with chocolate icing in the middle. I know how you like desserts, Brenda so consider this your birthday present.” Brenda’s eyes got really wide and she took the cake from Sharon so that she could get a better look. There must have been 60 cupcakes in there. The cake wasn’t in a typical store-bought box but in a brown cardboard box that had hand-drawn art on the outside.  “ You made this,” Brenda asked. Sharon shrugged and then gave Brenda a side hug. “Thank you, Sharon. I love it!”

Much to Brenda’s and Amy’s surprise, Sharon did not hesitate to get out on the dance floor that night. A few of the older, local men offered to teach her how to two-step and Sharon willingly agreed. After about a couple ofhours of dancing, drinking, and eating, Sharon walked up to Amy and Brenda who were serving some of the guests cupcakes and said, “hey girls, look over there,is that Will over in the corner?” Amy and Brenda looked in the direction that Sharon was pointing with their mouths wide open and nodded.

Amy: _What is he doing here? Didn’t we make it clear that we didn’t want any men crashing this party?_

Sharon: _Come on.  Let’s go tell him he needs to leave before he gets his house pranked._

Sharon took Brenda in one hand and Amy in the other and she pulled them both over to where Pope was standing so that she could question him about his intentions.

Sharon: _What are you doing here? You’re crashing our girls party. We need you to go home so we can go back out to your house and prank you tonight._

Pope: _Uhhhh, Yeah, that’s not going to happen. It’s illegal. And by the way, I am allowed to be here because it is a free place and we live in America….and I brought doughnuts._

Pope then pulled out two large boxes of doughnuts from behind his back and Amy’s and Brenda’s eyes grew big and they took the doughnuts from Pope. Sharon looked at the women disapprovingly and said, “but ladies, I brought you cake.”

Brenda: _But these are for later when we get hungry again._

Pope: _At least someone appreciates me._

Sharon (Looking at Pope cautiously): _Ok, but don’t think you can bribe your way into this party. You can stay right here at the club but no going over to Amy’s house afterward._

Pope (holding up his hands): _Deal, you have my word._

 

Around 11:00pm, Brenda, Sharon, Amy, plus 5 more of Amy’s friends decided to wrap up the dance party potion of the evening so that they could go out into the night and decorate David’s, Fritz’s, and Pope’s houses with balloons and streamers. They decided against decorating Amy’s boyfriend’s house because he lived too far away. They wanted the men to be surprised the next morning when they woke up. Although, it wasn’t really much of a surprise because each of the victims had already caught word of the ladies’ mischief. 

When they returned to Amy’s house for the evening, they were all hungry again so they started munching on the doughnuts Pope had brought them while they also played a couple of board games. Sharon was very curious about all of Amy’s friends and she spent some time asking them questions like she would interview witnesses. Sharon was by  far the oldest person at the party but she didn’t seem to mind at all or even notice. Although Brenda did notice that Sharon often inserted her opinion more than the average woman in her early to mid twenties would do. For example, she had no qualms about telling one of Amy’s friends that she thought she needed to dump her boyfriend to move across the country to go to med school. 

After the games were played and the cake and doughnuts were eaten, the women began getting ready to turn in for the night. Amy blew up three double air mattresses and put them between two couches within her small living room floor and then explained the sleeping arrangements. 

Amy: _Ok so we can have two people per air mattress and one person on each couch. I will take one of the couches._

Sharon immediately set her things down by one of the air mattresses closest to the couch that Amy had claimed and motioned for Brenda to come share with her.

Sharon (curling her finger at Brenda): _Come here, Missy. It is time that you work on your personal space issues._

Awkwardly, Brenda knelt down and crawled across the other two mattresses to lie down on the mattress that Sharon chose. Brenda then rested her head down on the same end of the mattress where all the other women had chosen to rest their heads, except for Sharon. Sharon had placed her pillow and turned her body so it was at the opposite end of the mattress and so her feet were next to Brenda’s head. 

Sharon saw the confused look on Brenda’s face and decided to explain. “I sleep head to toe. I don’t like to be face-to-face with anyone I don’t really know.” “So I have to smell your feet all night,”  Brenda asked. Sharon laughed and said, “I guess so.” Brenda responded, “Well, I guess it looks like I’m not the one who needs to work on her personal space issues.” Sharon laughed again and then patted Brenda’s foot playfully. Everyone then said goodnight to each other as Amy turned off all the lights.

 

After about an hour of lying in the dark on the mattress, almost everyone had fallen asleep. Brenda was very close to drifting off when she felt a presence looming over her in the dark and then she heard a whisper, “Brenda, are you asleep?” It was Sharon.

Brenda (sleepily): _I guess not._

Sharon then grabbed ahold of Brenda’s hands and pulled her up so she could talk to her better.

Sharon: _Why did everyone go to sleep so fast? I thought this was a slumber party._

Brenda (rubbing her eyes): _Hence the word, slumber. I don’t know. I guess they are tired…not unlike me._

Sharon: _I am tired too but I wanted to see how you were about my going on vacation for three weeks. I don’t want you to get withdrawals from me._

Was Sharon serious? Withdrawals? What kind of question was this? Brenda found Sharon so interesting. Did she really wake her up to ask her how she felt about Sharon leaving to go on vacation or was there some type of hidden meaning? Brenda assumed there was a hidden meaning so she decided to dig a little deeper and turn the question back on her.

Brenda: _How do YOU feel about leaving?_

Sharon: _Honestly, I am just glad to be leaving Jack for three weeks._

Brenda: _Your husband doesn’t go on vacation with you?_

Sharon: _No, we go out to Connecticut to see my parents and my sisters and Jack just gets in the way. He constantly complains about everything  so I just assume he stay at home where he can get a vacation from us too._  

What Brenda really wanted to ask at this point was why Sharon didn’t divorce her husband but she didn’t think her relationship with Sharon was at that level yet. She didn’t even know if she and Sharon were friends yet but then again, here Sharon was…sharing a bed with her... even if they were sleeping head to toe. Instead, all Brenda could manage to say was, “does Jack have any good qualities?” Sharon paused and contemplated Brenda’s question and finally said, “he does lots of things around the house... and he’s a father in the house for my kids. And…It’s like having a friend with  very good benefits, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh ok!… I’ve heard enough,” Brenda said as she held up her hands to stop Sharon from talking more about her sex life with her husband and then Brenda laid her head back down on her pillow.

ButSharon just laughed and then whispered, “but anyway…Brenda, I need you to keep busy while I am gone. Give Pope some attention. He gets lonely and needs people to check on him every now and then.”

Was this why Sharon spent so much time with Pope…because she actually cared about his well-being? Brenda sat back up by this point so she didn’t have to yell in a whisper when she spoke to Sharon. But Sharon continued talking before Brenda could say anything, “And Brenda, think about what we can work on together when I get back. Maybe we can go to a legal conference together and learn a thing or two if we can find one close by.

Brenda's thoughts returned to her awards banquet. Brenda half smiled, hesitated and then said shyly, “you know…I was nominated for the early investigator’s award within our department.” Sharon smiled knowingly and said, “I know. That is a great award to be nominated for, my dear.”  Drawing in a deep breath, Brenda continued with what she wanted to ask. “Pope has to be there already but I am allowed to take a guest and it is at this fancy yacht club on the water. So you could come with me if you want…with us.” Brenda watched Sharon as her face turned from smiling to smirking.

“You want to bring _me_ as your guest to your awards banquet?” Sharon was grinning from ear to ear by this point but she couldn’t let Brenda see that she was enjoying this too much so then the teasing started. “So you want me to be your date to your fancy awards banquet at the yacht club marina? Brenda started laughing.

Sharon: _Well, how could I say no to that? Are you going to pick me up at my house too?_

Brenda: _Oh please…it’s not a date! I just thought it would be something fun for you, me, and Pope to do. Relive the trip to Monterey._

Sharon: _Hopefully without Jack this time, right?_

Sharon then laid her head back on her pillow and Brenda decided to follow Sharon’s lead as she lied her own head down as well.  

Sharon: _I will go with you but only if you pick me up at my house. You know the jokes will never stop now. We will be the talk of the SFPD. Brenda Leigh Johnson brings her mommy to the awards banquet with her._

Brenda sighed. She was getting too sleepy to banter back and forth with Sharon and she also wanted to fall asleep with the contentment she felt knowing that Sharon would be attending the banquet with her. Just as Brenda began to fall asleep again, she felt Sharon’s thumb quickly stroke Brenda’s knee a couple times as she said, “goodnight, sweet birthday girl."


	9. Street Fair Proposition

Although Sharon was on vacation visiting her family in Connecticut, Brenda continued to receive daily text messages from Sharon. In fact, Brenda received more texts from Sharon during her vacation than she did when Sharon was living her daily routine in San Fransisco. “Isn’t she supposed to be spending time with her family,” Brenda wondered. But Brenda enjoyed the attention as well as the entertainment she was receiving from Sharon’s texts. Opening daily text messages to find pictures of Sharon’s children paying with starfish on the beach or finding out which museum Sharon had visited that day satisfied Brenda in an unexplainable way.Perhaps it was the constant reassurance that if Brenda needed to talk to someone about absolutely anything, she could count on Sharon to not only respond, but respond in a way that made Brenda feel validated. For example, when Brenda had a flat tire on her way to work one day, she texted Sharon and almost immediately Sharon texted her back to check if she was okay. Immediate emotional contact was something Brenda needed whether she was willing to admit to it or not.

A few days before Sharon’s return home, Brenda strolled into the office on a particularly dreary morning to find Fritz sitting in her chair, casually talking to Amy and David. It had been awhile since she and Fritz had chatted so she was surprised to see him sitting in her chair. Maybe it was the rainy day but Brenda’s radar immediately went up at the sight of her three friends smiling in front of her. When she stepped more into the office, each of her friends looked up and smiled cheerfully…a little too cheerfully, Brenda thought. Fritz immediately stood up to offer Brenda back her chair; however, Brenda did not sit down. Amy was the first to break the silence.

Amy: _Hey…soooo Brenda, David was just telling us how there is going to be a street fair this weekend by his house and he thought that the four of us could walk around, maybe get something to eat, and then listen to which bands are playing afterward. What do you think?_

Still standing, Brenda pulled the hair out from under her shoulder bag before slipping it off her shoulder and placing it in the corner of her office. She thought about Amy’s invitation. While it really wasn’t her first choice for weekend activities, it also seemed like a good idea to branch out of her comfort zone. Spending time with her friends and colleagues could be good for her and even though she wasn’t crazy about spending time outside of the office with Fritz, she was relieved that Amy and David would be there as well. Fritz wouldn’t make a pass at her with both David and Amy there, Brenda thought.

Still standing awkwardly in the corner with her hands clasped in front of her, Brenda agreed to go to the street fair. After Brenda’s accepting of the invitation, Fritz turned around to give Amy and David a look that Brenda couldn’t see but David’s and Amy’s look in response made Brenda feel uneasy. She felt like they were all in on a secret that she had yet to figure out.

When the weekend came around, Brenda drove out to David’s and arrived to his apartment complex about 4:00pm that Saturday. She decided to wear a coral, loose fitting dress that she could stay cool in yet still look semi-professional around Fritz. When David answered the door, Brenda greeted him while looking over his shoulder to see that Amy and Fritz had already arrived at his apartment and were seated on the couch.She glanced at her watch to make sure she wasn’t late but but found that she was actually five minutes earlier than she was told to arrive. Brenda thought it was strange that all three of them happened to get to David’s ahead of schedule. Something told her that it wasn’t coincidental.

David: _All right Brenda_ … _Come on in and sit down. Sooooo there has been a slight change of plans._

Brenda’s suspicions started to grow and she felt that uneasy feeling creeping back in her stomach. Brenda swallowed and then asked hesitantly, “What kind of change?” Brenda looked at Fritz and Amy to see if she could guess what they were about to tell her but Amy couldn’t stop smiling. If she was worried about anything she was masking it very well. 

David: _Well, Amy’s boyfriend would really like to go to the street fair tomorrow with us since that is when he gets back in town and I told them that I would go with them…because there’s a local band that is only playing tomorrow and I would like to see them play._

Brenda was not buying this story for a minute. She looked Amy and David up and down trying to detect any hints of a possible ulterior motive. Then she looked at Fritz who was looking at the floor. 

Brenda: _Ok…then why didn’t you call me to let me know? (Looking at Fritz now) And did you just find this out too or did you know before you got here?_

Amy: _Don’t be mad Brenda, please! Fritz still wants to go today. You two can go together._

Fritz: _Come on Brenda, it will be fine. We can go walk the streets and listen to some music. I will even buy you an ice cream._

Brenda rolled her eyes and huffed. She was not amused and she felt patronized. She did not want to go to the festival without David and Amy and she did not want to be alone with Fritz. But on the other hand she did feel sorry for him too. If Amy and David canceled on him like they did her then he was in the same position as she was. Perhaps she would just go, stay for a couple of hours, and then come home. 

Brenda started to loosen up her body a little and gave in. She looked at Fritz and said, “why don’t we go and check things out. If we don’t like it then we can come back home. I will drive.”

Fritz: _No, that’s ok Brenda. You don’t have to drive._

But Brenda had already picked up her keys and was heading out the door without bothering to say goodbye to David and Amy since she was still irritated at their bailing. Fritz turned around to say goodbye to David and Amy and they gave him a sympathetic smile. It was quite obvious to everyone in the room that Brenda was not happy with the current arrangement. When the door was closed, David looked at Amy and said, “she’s going to be really mad at us.”

As Brenda began their drive to the fair, Fritz told her that it really wasn’t necessary for her to drive. “I need more practice driving in the city and we’re friends right? I drive my friends around all the time,” Brenda said. When Brenda looked over at Fritz she could tell that he had picked up on her short tone so she decided to go easier on him for the rest of the car ride. When it was time for them to find a parking space, Fritz suggested that she park in a particular location that he knew of.

Fritz: _Let’s park a couple blocks over. I know a really beautiful place that I want you to see. I was thinking we could take a walk by one of the reflecting ponds._

Brenda slowed her movements and started thinking, “Oh God, no…please no. I just wanted to go out to have fun with my friends and now this is turning into the date that I never wanted to go on in the first place.”

Brenda: _Why?_

Fritz (Giving a small laugh): _Why not?_

Brenda: _Ok…Ok Fritz…I will go with you to take a look at your pond and then we can go visit some of the vendors. Sound good?_

Fritz: _Sure, Brenda_

As Fritz and Brenda walked up to the reflecting pond, Fritz was very quiet and he looked extremely nervous which made Brenda feel nervous and even more irritated with the situation. Fritz took a seat on the edge of the reflecting pond and when he saw Brenda still standing with her arms folded across her chest, he asked her to sit down. As Brenda took a seat, Fritz pulled out a long white box from his jacket pocket. Brenda narrowed her eyes and hugged herself even tighter to keep out anything that might want to penetrate through to her. 

Fritz: _Brenda, I know that I didn’t give you a birthday present on your birthday but I wanted to wait for the right time._

Brenda felt like she was going to run. Maybe she should have let Fritz drive then she wouldn’t have felt so bad if she left him to find his own ride home. 

Brenda: _Is there a better time to give someone a birthday present than on someone’s birthday?_

Fritz noticed the sarcasm in Brenda’s voice but decided to ignore it and press onward. 

Fritz: _I’ve noticed how you love writing with that silver pen of yours so I came to the conclusion that you must really love silver and I also remember you once saying how you love playing the piano…so I got you this necklace._

Fritz then opened the white box to reveal the sterling silver necklace that had eight black and white piano charms dangling off their respected hooks. Brenda didn’t know what to say nor did she understand how Fritz drew the conclusions about her that he did. Sure, she wrote with a silver pen because someone had left it on her desk so she decided to keep it but she always wore gold because it brought out the colors in her skin and she had never played the piano in her life. She might have mentioned that she loved listening to piano music on one occasion but Fritz had seriously gotten it all wrong. 

Taking the necklace out of its box and handing it to Brenda, Fritz continued asking what he came there to ask. “So I would really love to take you out some time….to dinner.” Brenda began to cringe. There it was….just what Brenda was dreading this whole time. Fritz was asking her out and possibly bribing her with gifts…bad gifts.

Brenda wrinkled her forehead and breathed through her mouth while she listened to Fritz’s proposition. When she couldn’t take it anymore she interrupted Fritz and asked, “was this whole thing a setup? I mean were David and Amy ever going to go to this festival or did all three of you have this planned all along?” Looking startled by Brenda’s apparent frustration, Fritz responded, “ it was supposed to be a nice surprise, Brenda. There was no malicious intent on anyone’s part.”

Brenda: _But I feel like I have been put on the spot and I feel like you could have just asked me yourself to go with you to this street fair. I feel like I was tricked into doing this…by not only you but David and Amy too._

Fritz was highly disappointed and his face showed it. His main concern right now was trying to express his true intent and calm an angry Brenda. 

Fritz: _Brenda, I didn’t trick you. This whole idea was supposed to be a surprise for you. I thought that perhaps you were interested in me and so instead of just telling you, I could do something romantic. I got Amy and David to help me out because you trust them…or you did._  

Brenda started to realize that she might have overreacted and had been too hard on Fritz. Softening her tone and relaxing a little, she unfolded her arms as she explained to Fritz her concerns.

Brenda: _Fritz, I really like you as a person and a friend but I don’t want to have a romantic relationship with you because we work together. And things happen when people work together and date. I love my job and the people I work with and I want this place to continue to be a positive work environment for me. And Ideally, I would keep you as a friend because I respect you but I wouldn’t make a good girlfriend for you._

Fritz looked sad but he forced a smile, nodded, and told Brenda that he understood and wanted her as a friend as well. He told her to keep the necklace because it could be a present from Amy and David as well and something that may remind her one day of a funny memory.  Although Brenda would probably never wear the necklace, she thought this was admirable of Fritz and it did make her feel more comfortable.

Brenda and Fritz walked around the fair for about an hour before they headed back to David’s. Brenda decided to drop Fritz off in the parking lot because she was still too irritated with Amy and David to walk him to the door. Once Brenda made it home and into her own place, she texted Amy and David.

Brenda: _Thanks for blindsiding me tonight!_

Amy: _We thought you liked him!_

Brenda: _Why would you even think that?_

David: _Because he’s handsome and he looks good with you._

Brenda: _Ok, then maybe you should date him._

David: _ooooookkkkkkkk???_

Amy: _We’re sorry, Brenda._

Brenda: _Ok, going to sleep now._

Brenda was not ready to forgive them but she honestly didn’t understand why she was so upset. What was making her feel like this? She was beginning to feel like no one really understood her or knew her that well. Amy and David thought she liked Fritz and Fritz bought her a silver necklace and thought she played the piano. Brenda leaned her head back on her pillow and thought of how petty she was being. In reality, what she was really feeling was loneliness. She wanted to talk to Sharon. Maybe Sharon didn’t know her that well but she liked the responses she got from Sharon’s texts. 

Just as Brenda was about to text Sharon, Sharon beat her to it.

Sharon: _Hey you! What are you up to tonight?_

Brenda started to tear up at the instant connection and then she let her emotions pour out. She told Sharon everything…about Amy and David and Fritz and the reflecting pond and then the ridiculous silver piano necklace. 

Sharon: _Oh honey, I told you that he liked you. I think it is kind of amusing…especially the part about the piano necklace and the silver pen!_

Brenda: _You would._

Sharon: _I don’t like that Amy and David didn’t warn you. They need a little lesson in loyalty._

Brenda: _That’s what I said!_

Brenda continued to text with Sharon for another hour and by the end of the conversation she felt 100% better. She felt like Sharon really understood her and she took comfort in that.

Sharon: _Going to bed now, Brenda. When I get back, your awards ceremony will be right around the corner! Good thing that you didn’t say yes to Fritz because he wouldn’t appreciate our date night!_

Brenda: _You can’t see my face right now but I am rolling my eyes._

Sharon: _Oh I’m sure! Goodnight, my dear._

Brenda: _Goodnight Sharon :)_


	10. Brenda's Banquet

By the time the awards banquet had rolled around, Brenda had completely let go of any feelings of animosity toward David and Amy. After all, her feelings of excitement over attending a fancy dinner at a yacht club with Sharon and Pope outweighed any other ill feelings at the moment.

On the day of the banquet, Brenda was required to attend an all day seminar with all of the other award nominees. The SFPD provided each of the nominees with an additional free training workshop as a bonus just for being nominated. Brenda was pleased and wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to be able to put another line on her resume. At the close of the eight hour seminar, Brenda would have just enough time to drive to Sharon’s house to pick her up before they needed to be back for the banquet. During the dull points of the seminar, Brenda and Sharon exchanged a few texts that helped the time pass more quickly. 

Sharon: _How’s the workshop going?_

Brenda: _It is fine. I’m a little tired but not too bad._

Sharon: _What are you wearing to the dinner tonight?_

Brenda: _I brought a black halter dress. Black seems like it should be appropriate for a fancy dinner._

Sharon: _We will see about that. I will take a look at it when you get here and if need be, you can wear one of my black dresses._  

Brenda: _OK! Gotta go now._

Sharon: _:)_

Brenda was not about to let Sharon annoy her today with her with her constant nitpicking over Brenda’s clothes. Brenda planned on changing out of her work clothes after the seminar and into her evening wear before the banquet so Sharon could critique her clothes later. 

After the all day seminar, Brenda found herself more worn out than she thought she should be. While driving over to Sharon’s house to pick her up,  Brenda caught a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror and found her hair to be a wild mess that needed taming. She noticed her eyes looked a little dark underneath as well. But it was nothing a little makeup couldn’t fix, Brenda thought.

Upon arriving at Sharon’s late that afternoon, Brenda carefully pulled her black dress off the hanger and walked up to the front door. After knocking a couple times, Brenda heard the voice of a small child yell at the top of her lungs, “COMMMEEE INNNNNN!!” Brenda obliged and walked into Sharon’s foyer to see Emily sitting on the couch in the living room reading a book. Emily sat up and looked Brenda over from head to toe and  then asked, “what happened to you, Brenda?” Before Brenda could defend herself from her tiny critic, Sharon rushed out of her bedroom wearing a black half slip and a black camisole to see for herself what her daughter was noticing about their guest. “What Emily? What is going on?” 

Sharon stopped talking to Emily and looked at Brenda with concern. “What did they do to you at that seminar today? Your face is all red again and you look exhausted.” Brenda set down her bag in front of her and folded her dress over the back of the couch. “I don’t feel that exhausted. Maybe a little tired but that’s all,” Brenda explained. “Well, you look exhausted,” Emily exclaimed. “And your hair is all crazy.” Sharon eyed her daughter and then turned back to Brenda and said, “hmmmm, well, why don’t you go put your dress on and then Emily will braid your hair for you while I finish getting dressed.” Not having the energy to argue, Brenda smoothed down her hair as best she could before she gathered her dress and headed off to the guest bathroom to change into her evening wear.

When Brenda came out into the living room wearing her black dress, Emily once again looked up from her book and gave Brenda a disapproving look. Brenda was beginning to feel the same way she felt when Sharon looked her up and down. ‘It’s too big,” Emily remarked. Brenda only sighed and then Emily set her book down and jumped up to take Brenda’s hand and pulled her into her mom’s room. 

As Emily pulled Brenda into Sharon’s bedroom, she quickly caught a glimpse of the simpleness of Sharon’s space. There were no pictures on the wall, just a king sized bed and two dressers on each side of the room. There was a large window on one side of the wall that filled the room with the late afternoon sunlight. “Maaaama,” Emily quietly dragged out. “This dress is too big for Brenda. She needs to wear one of your dresses.” Emily let go of Brenda’s hand and presented Brenda to her mother. Sharon, who was putting on her makeup, set down a brush on the sink and looked at Brenda and smiled. “I think she looks just fine in what she has on. My clothes would look too big on Brenda’s small frame.” Looking at Brenda, Sharon said, “sit down and let Emily braid your hair now. She’s really good at it.” Brenda sat on the toilet seat and let Emily brush out what was left of any definition to her curls. She felt like Emily’s Barbie doll but she didn’t have the energy to protest.

Brenda: _Is Jack home?_

Sharon: _No, he took Ricky out to a baseball game so they will be gone until some time this evening._

Brenda felt relieved that Jack wasn’t home so she didn’t have to witness his obnoxiousness. After about 15 minutes of feeling small hands running through Brenda’s hair, Emily put her hands on Brenda’s shoulders and said, “I’m all done. You look amazing!” Brenda and Sharon both began laughing at Emily’s confidence but when Brenda stood up to look at herself in the mirror, she agreed with Emily’s assessment. Emily had braided Brenda’s hair into a double dutch braid on one side and a single dutch braid on the other side and then joined the braids into a single braid that ran down Brenda’s back. “You really do know what you’re doing, Emily,” Brenda said. “I watch YouTube. No more frizzies,” said Emily proudly.

Sharon: _Ok you two. It is time for me to get dressed now and I need to change my slip. Brenda, Emily typically just watches or looks away. You can either stay or look at your phone while I change if you don’t want to watch._

Brenda laughed to herself but she thought Sharon’s two options were very odd. “That’s ok, Sharon, I need to go get something from my car anyway.” Before walking out the door Emily called after her, “Brenda, come back. You can just look at your phone like I do with my game. I will show you!” “You guys are crazy…I will be right back, I promise,” Brenda said while chuckling at her friend and her bossy little daughter and their odd routines. 

Sharon was dressed by the time Brenda came back in. She was wearing a cobalt blue dress with a scalloped neckline. Sharon wore her silky, brown hair down and it curled around her shoulders. “You look so pretty,” Brenda said. “Thank you, and so do you, Missy but your face is still flushed. Are you sure you are feeling ok?” Brenda slowed down to think about Sharon’s question before she answered it this time. She felt a little worn down and perhaps there was the sting of a new sore throat coming on but she decided to dismiss it. “I think so. I am sure I will be fine,” Brenda responded. But Sharon only gave a sympathetic smile, bit her lip, and nodded.

All three of the girls walked out of Sharon’s house and over to Sharon’s next door neighbor to drop off Emily until Jack and Ricky came home. “Ok off you go Cutie. Call me if you need anything,” Sharon said to Emily. Emily ran in the house to play with the neighbors’ kids and waved goodbye to her mother and Brenda. 

The drive to the yacht club was enjoyable. Sharon teased Brenda by telling her how amazed she was that Brenda was actually picking her up and dropping her back off that evening. “Oh my God, YOU insisted that I pick you up for this,” Brenda exclaimed. “Did I? Hmmmmm…I don’t recall.” Brenda only shook her head in disbelief. 

The yacht club was beautifully decorated and sat right on a large marina. The banquet room where the dinner and awards ceremony took place overlooked the water and the floor to ceiling windows allowed for an exquisite view of the sunset. Pope greeted Sharon and Brenda as they walked in and he smirked at the sight of the two women together. “So how is your first date going,” he teased.

Sharon (linking arms with Brenda): _I think it is going quite nicely. I haven’t had to pay for anything yet._

Pope rolled his eyes at Sharon and then led her away from Brenda. “Brenda, sign in over here. I will take Sharon to the table that we are seated at.” Brenda nodded at Pope in understanding and then after she signed in, she joined her friends at a large round table. Before she saw all the people who were seated at her table, Sharon turned around from her chair to give Brenda an unreadable look. Whatever Sharon was trying to tell her was lost on Brenda until she came right up to the table and saw Fritz sitting directly across from them with Irene. Sharon put her hand on the bottom of Brenda’s dress and gently tugged for her to sit down. Then she looked up at Brenda and smiled a smile that told her that everything would be fine. 

When Brenda sat down at the table, she looked at Fritz and gave him a smile and a wave. He returned the wave but was eyeing her, Sharon, and Pope suspiciously. Throughout the dinner, Pope told his usual jokes that made Sharon and Brenda laugh. Sharon filled Brenda in on some of the gossip of the SFPD as she pointed out different colleagues who were cheating on their wives. After dinner had been eaten, one of the captains went to the front of the stage to make an announcement that they would soon begin giving out awards and that now was the time to refill any drinks. Brenda took the opportunity to go refill her wine glass at the bar.

While she was at the bar waiting for her drink, she saw Fritz approaching her but there was no where she could run off to so she just smiled at him and asked him how he was doing. However, this time Fritz didn’t smile back. “Really, Brenda? Sharon Raydor? What did you bring her here for? Are you that desperate for her to be your mentor? You’re about to win one of the most prestigious awards ever given. You can have any mentor you want.”

Brenda: _She’s my friend, Fritz. I…I want her to be here with me. Why doesn’t anyone understand that?_

Fritz: _Because, Brenda…she’s using you. Why can’t YOU see that._

Brenda: _Using me how? And for what?_

Fritz: _For you to do her work for her…or for you to be her buddy any time she needs it. Look, she gets to go to this party tonight with you…There’s one perk for her right there. Or maybe she’s using you so she can spend time with Pope. It doesn’t look so obvious when they have a chaperone with them at all times._

Brenda: _Oh please…She’s not dating Pope, Fritz._

Fritz: _Ok, Brenda. I’m not saying any more. I don’t want to argue with you. Just be careful._

As much as Brenda wanted to believe that Sharon and Pope were not dating and that Sharon wasn’t using her, she still had an inkling of doubt. It seemed more plausible to Brenda that Sharon would use her to do work for her than use her for a chaperone for Sharon’s and Pope’s affair. Brenda decided to enjoy her evening but keep her guard up a little.

 

Not surprisingly, when the captain announced the award recipient for the top young investigator, Brenda’s name was called. Brenda watched both Sharon and Pope from the recipient’s stage beam at her while she accepted her award. No matter what Fritz had told her earlier that evening, nothing could take away from what she was feeling in that moment. 

After all the awards had been passed out and everyone was wrapping up the banquet, Sharon excused herself to go to the restroom. Pope then leaned across the table and told Brenda how happy he was for her that she received the award and how no one in his division had ever won the award before. “You know what this means don’t you, Brenda?” Brenda looked at him curiously and shook her head. “It means that we have to go celebrate now by going on the human slingshot ride on the boardwalk next to the yacht club.” Brenda opened her mouth in excitement and surprise.  She shook her head but she actually really did want to go on the ride. “Oh yeah! We’re going on it,” Pope said.”You, me, and Mom.”

Just then Brenda felt a hand on the back of her shoulder as Sharon approached the table from behind Brenda. “You, me, and Mom what,” Sharon asked Pope as she pressed a kiss to the back of Brenda’s braid and whispered, “I am so proud of you.” Brenda turned around to look at Sharon and grinned. She wanted to reach over the chair and hug Sharon but she calmed her impulse.

Pope: _We are celebrating Brenda’s victory by going on the human slingshot. Hope you didn’t eat too much, Sharon._

Surprisingly Sharon picked up her purse and said, “all right, let’s go. I can’t stay out too late or I will get in trouble.” Pope looked at Brenda and mouthed, “Jack Sparrow.” 

Sharon kept walking forward toward the door and said, “I saw that through the reflection, Will.”

After Pope, Sharon, and Brenda rode the human slingshot that shoots three people enclosed in a bubble cage 360 ft into the air, it was time for Brenda’s wonderful night to end. 

Pope: _Now, Brenda, you make sure you get Sharon home safety and at a decent hour. No funny business ok?_

Brenda (Smiling): _Yes, Sir._

Pope then opened his arms and gave Brenda a quick but warm hug and then patted Sharon’s shoulder a couple of times. “Goodnight ladies. Great job tonight, Brenda.” Brenda smiled and waved. 

Before turning on the engine, Brenda looked over at the passenger’s seat at Sharon who was reading something on her phone. Something was wrong and Brenda could tell by the look on Sharon’s face.

Brenda: _Sharon? What is it?_

Sharon: _It’s Jack. He wants to know why I am not home yet. He said he called the yacht club and they told him the banquet was over an hour ago. I can’t believe he doesn’t trust me._

Brenda: _He won’t let you go out on a Friday night? It’s one night! Why is he doing this to y_ ou?

But Sharon didn’t answer. She only looked stressed. 

Brenda: _What is he afraid of? Is it Pope? Does he not want you out with Pope?_

Sharon: _I don’t know Brenda. Let’s just go. We need to get home before he gets angrier._

But something told Brenda that Sharon did know why Jack was so upset. He knew that Sharon was with her but he didn’t know she had spent part of the evening at the boardwalk with her and Pope. Does Jack not want Sharon to have any friends? Did Sharon have any girlfriends besides Brenda and the one who lived miles away that Sharon couldn’t see regularly anyway?

Brenda was soon pulled out of her rumination by a startled Sharon. “Brenda, your nose is bleeding!” Brenda wiped her nose as she pulled into Sharon’s driveway and found  that her nose was in fact bleeding. “I don’t think it is very much, Sharon. Don’t worry,” Brenda assured. But Sharon did not look satisfied. Brenda couldn’t tell if Sharon was worried about going inside for the evening or over Brenda’s nosebleed, but Sharon’s look of concern made an impact on Brenda. 

Without saying another word, Sharon got out of her side of the car and Brenda then watched as Sharon walked around to the driver’s side door to open it. Brenda unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the car as Sharon pulled her in for a tight embrace that seemed to last about five minutes. Brenda took comfort in Sharon’s arms and breathed in the citrusy smell mixed with worry. “Oh babe, you’re so warm,” Sharon said. “You need to take something when you get home to cool your temperature down.” When Sharon let go she said, “I am going to keep checking on you this weekend, ok?” Brenda didn’t object this time. She stepped back up into her vehicle and waved as Sharon walked up to the front of her house and then closed the door. 


	11. The Lonely Case of Stockholm Syndrome

Typical weekends or moments away from the job allow for Brenda to catch up on her reading or perhaps watch a movie or two filled with fantasy so that she can escape from the dramatic reality of her job. Brenda was always independent. She didn’t enjoy when her parents or grandparents made a fuss over her as a child. She treasured the moments when she was allowed to stay at home by herself so she could be free to act like her true self. She didn’t have to worry about being told how others thought she should act. She could eat breakfast on the couch or never brush her hair or her teeth when she was sick. She reigned over her own life. 

In college, Brenda opted for the luxury of living alone as opposed to living with roommates. She only ever had two boyfriends and neither of them ever came close to living with her.  And she was glad they didn’t. During the time Brenda was dating her second boyfriend, Brenda lied in her own bed one night and stretched out her arms and legs so that she covered as much of the bed as possible and she thought, “how could I possibly ever be this comfortable if I had to share a bed with someone? How could I do whatever I wanted?” Needless to say, Brenda’s relationship with that man did not last. No one could ever get close enough to Brenda’s heart. It’s not that Brenda feared getting too close to someone to avoid rejection, Brenda just hadn't not found anyone she loved enough. 

Being sick, Brenda’s need for independence magnified. She was grumpy at the uncomfortableness of foreign organisms invading her body. She wanted to pout when it hurt to brush her hair and she desired to moan freely when she had to stand up from the couch to walk to the kitchen for a drink of water. She hated the idea of someone taking care of her. She didn’t want anyone watching her slurping soup or putting their cold hands on her warm body to feel her temperature. And most importantly, she did not want them watching her sleep. Brenda wanted to sleep alone and be miserable and sick without the assistance of anyone else around to witness it. 

The problem Brenda was now facing was that Sharon Raydor was a very stubborn woman and she didn’t take no for an answer. Brenda left Sharon’s house the night of the banquet with a nosebleed and a fever and Sharon was determined to make sure Brenda was alive and well on Monday morning when she saw her again. However, what Sharon didn’t know was that Brenda was just as stubborn as she was and perhaps even more so. But in the end, Brenda’s weakened state was no match for Sharon and eventually Sharon would soon win a little more of Brenda than just her surrender. 

The texts from Sharon began when Brenda arrived at home after the banquet. “Did you take some pain reliever?” “Can you go to sleep?” “I’ll check on you tomorrow.” Odd yes, Brenda thought, but Brenda was not used to having close female friends. Brenda wasn’t really used to having many friends at all if she thought about it. Maybe this is what women did with each other. By Saturday the texts became more frequent and Brenda was losing patience. She couldn’t deal with being both sick and having to placate Sharon’s concern for her health. Putting her phone on silent would give Brenda the rest she needed and would allow her to still enjoy her weekend activities of books and movies. By 7:00 on Saturday night, Brenda retrieved a cola slushy from her freezer and decided to turn her ringer back on and take a look to see how crazy Sharon’s texts had become. 

Sharon: _Are you drinking fluids?_

Sharon: _Have you been able to rest at all?_

Sharon: _Are you ok?_

Sharon: _Heeeellllllo?_

 

Brenda replied 20 minutes after Sharon’s last text.

 

Brenda: _Jesus, you’re like a stalker._

Sharon: _Oh good you’re alive!_

Brenda: _I’m sick, not dying. Haven’t you ever been sick before?_

Sharon: _Brenda, you’ve been sick since the beginning of the summer. I just think you need to see a doctor soon._

Brenda: _I will if I get worse but I am feeling like I have a bad cold or something._

Sharon: _Ok, I will respect that. If it gets worse, we will go to the doctor._

Brenda: _WE will not… but I will!_

Sharon: _Eyeroll. Do you want me to come over?_

Brenda: _NO!_

Brenda: _No, thank you I mean._

Sharon: _Do you want me to send Will over?_

Brenda: _Seriously? No! I want to be alone. Ugh...Sharon, I just want to drink my slushy and go to sleep. It makes my throat feel better._

Sharon: _Ok, but I think I am going to come over there tomorrow if you aren’t better._

Brenda realized that it was doing her no good to argue with Sharon. She could try to convince her all day long that she was fine but Sharon was ultimately going to do what she wanted without Brenda’s consent. By Sunday night, Brenda wasn’t feeling any better and she was even more exhausted from trying to ward off unwanted visitors. Sharon had managed to respect Brenda enough to stay away from appearing on her doorstep that weekend but Brenda was afraid she didn’t know what to expect come Monday morning. For all Brenda knew, Sharon would come home with her Monday night or kidnap her and take her back to her home and make Emily braid her hair again. To prepare for the worst, Brenda packed an overnight bag just in case the latter of these scenarios took place. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck at someone’s house while she was sick without any clean underwear and she was losing strength fast.

Brenda was feeling worse when she woke up for work on Monday morning. The added rest was clearly not doing her any favors. Her head hurt and she felt like she was getting the flu. The body aches and fever were a dead give away. The only problem with her flu theory was that the end of summer was not flu season. To make matters worse, the SFPD was hosting an orientation that day for new interns and cadets so this meant that Brenda needed to be on her game. 

The typical stream of people flowing in and out of the division was replaced by wide-eyed newbies who were being toured through the division by various seasoned officers. Pope who was dressed in uniform, held an orientation lecture in the conference room and Anne was walking through the halls with trays of food preparing for the 4:00 end of the day reception. Brenda decided that it was best to keep out of everyone’s the way and stay in her office to work on paperwork. Since David and Amy were busy giving tours, Brenda had the whole office to herself for while. 

Thinking she was alone when all the members of the division went down to the large conference room on the first floor to introduce themselves to the interns and cadets, Brenda thought it would be a good time to lean her head back against the wall and try to get a few moments of sleep. Startled out of a two minute snooze, Brenda awoke to the sound of her name being called and she was quite certain it was the voice of her very own stalker. 

Sharon had whispered her name a couple of times from the door entry of the office and when Brenda chose not to answer, Sharon raised the decibel level. Brenda slowly opened her eyes but didn’t look at Sharon and instead focused on the air vent at the top of the ceiling that was collecting condensation.

Sharon softened her tone. “Will you come with me to meet my new intern?” Brenda remained seated but looked over at Sharon and nodded her head. Sharon was dressed in a white cable-knit, sleeveless top with a cardigan to match. Her skirt was houndstooth and came down just above her knee. Sharon pulled Brenda up and smiled when she saw Brenda's teal long-sleeved laced top and an A-lined black skirt. As Brenda followed Sharon to meet her new intern, Fritz’s remarks of Sharon’s intentions toward Brenda rang through her ears: “She’s using you as a buddy to have with her whenever she wants.” “Does this mean that Sharon will drop me when she gets a new buddy…Maybe this new intern will replace me,” Brenda wondered.  Insecurity jarred through her bones as she and Sharon walked to the first floor conference room. 

Brenda sat in the back of the room of the conference room with a cup of red punch as she watched  her senior officers meet their new interns for the entire year. Sharon was paired with a handsome man in his late twenties who had dark blue eyes, golden hair and tan skin to match. He looked like a life-like Ken doll. And to make matters worse, Sharon seemed very comfortable with him. Brenda watched her laugh at whatever “Ken” was saying and appeared to be completely engaged. This was not how Brenda’s first encounter with Sharon was…which was distant, cold...suspicious.  Out of the corner of her eye, Brenda watched as Pope neared where Brenda was sitting. He took a seat on the empty chair next to Brenda, pointed at Sharon and said, “look at her. She’s flirting with him. Could it be more obvious? Why doesn’t she just touch his arm right now?” Leaning all the way back in her chair because it took too much energy to sit up properly, Brenda asked, “are you jealous?” Not appearing flustered in the slightest, Pope said ,”no, of course not. I have my own intern I can go flirt with” “Why doesn’t she ever look that comfortable with me,” Brenda asked Pope. Pope turned his gaze from Sharon to Brenda and studied her for a moment before answering. “Because that right there is a conflicted woman, Brenda.” He winked at Brenda and gave her a pat on her knee before standing up. He looked at her for a couple of seconds before he said, “You don’t look good. I think it is time for you to go home.” Neither one of them saw that Sharon had approached Pope from behind and inserting herself into the conversation by saying, “I’m going to take her over to Anne’s house in a little bit so she can watch her and make sure she is ok tonight.” 

Over Brenda's dead body. Going over to Anne’s house was never a consideration of Brenda’s. “Why would Anne watch me,” Brenda wondered. “Anne who lives a few minutes from my own house,” Brenda asked Sharon using her angry tone.…which wasn’t very angry when she was sick. “Why does Brenda need anyone to watch her? She’s a grown woman,” Pope remarked. Brenda was upset. Having Sharon with her was one thing but why was Sharon insisting that Brenda go over to Anne’s when she could take care of herself without anyone’s help? “I am going to go over there with you and get you settled and then go home. I have to get my kids off to school in the morning but I will be back before I go to work tomorrow,” Sharon said very sternly. Pope widened his eyes at Sharon’s not so rational explanation and said, “Good luck, Brenda” before he turned around to go mingle with the crowd. 

Brenda could only stare at Sharon. Brenda knew she was in a compromised state and Sharon knew that Brenda was less likely to argue with her while she was in this state. “ I am going to go to the doctor tomorrow,”  Brenda attempted to make her case. “I think that is a very good idea, Brenda. But tonight is tonight and I want to make sure someone will stay with you until you get to the doctor,” Sharon explained. Brenda looked deep into Sharon’s eyes to see if she could read more into Sharon’s intentions but Sharon’s face only showed warmth and concern. “Fine,” said Brenda. Still keeping her eyes on Brenda, Sharon sighed and said, “let me go talk to Anne and see if we can leave soon. After the reception…ok?” Brenda nodded and wondered what she was getting herself into. 

After the reception, Sharon helped Anne clean up the party platters and put away some of the chairs so that they could get Brenda over to Anne’s in order for her to start her recovery. Not feeling like cleaning up, Brenda sat in her office and listened as Amy and David discussed the case that Brenda so desperately wished she was working on instead of leaving for the evening to spend the night being babysat by Anne. Occasionally, David or Amy would look in Brenda’s direction like they knew what the night would bring for Brenda but they had no power to stop it. Without saying a word, they expressed their condolences when Sharon pulled Brenda out of their office to take her with her at the end of the day. 

Sharon helped Brenda get inside her car and pulled her ponytail out from under her seat belt and let it slip through her hands twice before she shut Brenda’s door and then took her place in the driver’s seat. On the drive over to the beach, Sharon looked over at Brenda, who looked like she was in a state of surrender and said, “I want to stop at one of those Red Box machines and get you a movie so that you can have something to do tonight while Anne works on some of her admin work. Brenda nodded and put her eyes back on the road in front of her. Although she had surrendered to Sharon, she was still not too happy with her for putting her in this position in the first place. 

Anne’s car was in the driveway when Sharon and Brenda pulled up to the house. Sharon grabbed Brenda’s packed overnight bag and slung it over her shoulder before she opened Brenda’s door to help her out of the car. Although it was unnecessary, Sharon placed a hand on Brenda’s back as they walked to the front door and let themselves in the unlocked house. “Anne, we’re here,” Sharon cried out to ensure that Anne was not startled when she heard random activity in her house. “Come on back to the far back bedroom, I’ve set her up in here,” Anne replied. Entering the the back guest bedroom, Brenda looked at the large king-sized bed that was made up with soft blankets and extra pillows resting against the headboard. A  decent sized desk sat in the corner with a computer and file boxes piled on top. Brenda imagined that was where Anne would be doing her admin work for the evening. Facing the bed was a wide flat screen television and to Brenda’s right sat a large window that overlooked the beach and ocean. “It’s so beautiful in here,” Brenda said. 

“This is your bed for the night, Brenda. It should have everything you need to feel comfortable. But feel free to make yourself at home and watch tv. I still have quite a bit of work that I need to do tonight so I will sit over here at the desk until I get sleepy and then go up to bed myself. Just let me know if you need anything.” Brenda looked at Sharon for one last plea to take her home but Sharon only took Brenda’s elbow to guide her into the bed. “Lay down, Brenda and get comfortable. I am going to put in this movie.” Forgetting what movie she picked up, Sharon looked at the outside cover to read the title and said, “ I tried to get you a light-hearted movie…ummmm, It’s called, Tangled.” How ironic, Brenda thought, “she got me a movie about an over-bearing mother who locks her daughter up in a tower in order to protect her from the outside world.”

Brenda propped herself up in the large bed surrounded by all the pillows while Sharon tried her best to work the DVD player on Anne’s tv before Anne had to step in and assist. When the movie was in, Anne went back to her desk to work and Sharon walked over to the bed and took off her cardigan that was covering her white cable-knit sleeveless top and then folded the sweater neatly over the bedside table. Brenda wondered what Sharon was doing taking off her sweater when she was about to go home. Sharon then gently took Brenda’s arm and pulled Brenda up from her propped-up position on the bed. She grabbed ahold of the bottom hem of Brenda’s teal laced top and began to pull upward before asking, “do you have a top on underneath this?” Brenda nodded and held her hands over her head so that Sharon could take her outer top off easier. Brenda was wearing a matching teal undershirt. Sharon placed Brenda’s laced top over her own cardigan on the bedside table. 

Sharon then placed two fingers on Brenda’s forehead to guide her body back onto the pillows before Sharon herself crawled into the bed next to Brenda and leaned back against the headboard so that their bare shoulders were touching. Brenda looked at Sharon as Sharon stared at the television screen in front of her. The blood orange sun from the late summer evening spilled onto Sharon’s face and part of the room. “What are you doing,” Brenda asked. “I am going to stay with you until you get settled. I already told you that.” Brenda wasn’t sure she would ever be settled but Sharon sitting this close to her was sure making her feel less chilled.

The physical contact was soon too much and not enough for Brenda at the same time. All Brenda knew was that she didn’t want Sharon to eventually leave. She didn’t want to be at Anne’s without Sharon and she wanted to keep her there with her as long as she could. Brenda lowered her hips on the bed so that she could rest her head against Sharon’s left shoulder. She immediately felt Sharon’s body begin to soften like butter as Sharon breathed in deeply. Being on Brenda’s right side, Sharon wrapped her left arm around Brenda’s body so that she could pull Brenda even closer to her. 

They both felt like time stopped and that they had been waiting their whole lives to feel the deeply rooted connectedness that came from this physical and emotional contact. The tv was gone, they were no longer cognizant of anything else in the room. Love surged through Brenda’s body right into Sharon so Sharon’s heart felt like it had been brushed by a fire stick. Brenda wrapped her arms around Sharon’s waist and held tightly while Sharon kissed the top of Brenda’s hot head and breathed in the smell of her blonde hair. It took both of them their whole lives to find a feeling just like this and neither one of them wanted to let go anytime soon. Brenda soon found herself falling into a deep relaxed state of sleep.

When Brenda awoke, her head was drenched in sweat. She was in the same position she remembered falling asleep in but when she looked around the room, it was much darker than it had been when she went to sleep. The television was off and Anne was gone. She looked at Sharon who was cradling her head with both arms and smiling at her. “Your fever broke, honey,” Sharon said. “What time is it,” asked Brenda. “It’s 2am and I have to go,” Sharon said sympathetically. Brenda felt her stomach tighten with dread and she shook her head desperately and said, “no.” Sharon smiled and pulled Brenda in closer to her body to hold on to her a little longer. Brenda felt the inevitable separation looming and sadness washed over her. Sadness not because she couldn’t take care of herself or that she would be alone but sadness at the feeling of loss from this woman who was making her feel so much love. Love for her and love pouring out from her. 

“Stay here with me, Sharon, please stay.” Sharon smiled at Brenda’s desire and rapidly spread kisses along the top of Brenda’s hairline. “I don’t want to go either but I have to get my kids ready for school. I promise I will be back by mid morning to check on you and to see you off to the doctor.” Brenda swallowed the lump in her throat and looked away from Sharon toward the other side of the room. But Sharon slipped her left hand out from underneath Brenda’s back and took her right hand to gently guide Brenda’s face back toward her. While cupping Brenda’s cheek, she brushed her thumb over Brenda’s face, looked at her sweetly and said, “I love you, Brenda. You are my girl.” And Brenda didn’t have to think about her response as she knew her feelings toward Sharon and immediately said, “I love you, Sharon.” And Sharon nodded and said that she always knew. She hugged Brenda one last time before leaving and then got out of the bed to gather her things before slipping quietly out the door.

Brenda lay in the large dark room feeling cold and lonely and she began to cry. Her independence shattered by spending one night with the person she felt intense love for.  She began the evening by wanting nothing more than to be alone in her own home and now she would give anything to feel Sharon’s body enveloping hers as it was just moments before. Her feeling of illness subsided and Brenda closed her eyes and remembered what it felt like to have the closeness she just experienced. She replayed everything in her mind…every image, the way it smelled like clean linens, sweat, and grapefruit. She relived the feeling she felt in her chest. The feeling like the muscle of her heart had been overworked from so much love. She had never felt like this before. What kind of feeling was this and she wondered if Sharon was feeling it too. What kind of love was this? 

Brenda rolled over on her side and reached her hand underneath the pillow where Sharon had been lying so she could feel if it was still warm but instead she felt something hard meet her hand. She gripped the object and ran her fingers over the four corners that the box made. As Brenda pulled her hand out from the pillow, she used the moonlight shining through the window to look at the black box with a golden embroidered boarder around the edge. Looking around the room to make sure she was definitely alone, Brenda sat up a little and slowly opened the box. Inside, Brenda found a rose gold locket attached to a delicate, shimmery chain. The locket itself was shaped like a circle  and directly in the center of the circle were Brenda’s engraved initials, _BLJ._ Around the edge of the circle was tiny script that Brenda couldn’t make out in the darkness of the room. Reaching around the bed for her phone so she could use it as a flashlight, Brenda could now read the etching that said, “You are loved always.” Opening the locket, Brenda found that on the left side it read, “Whenever you get lonely, always know that you can…” And the ride side completed the statement with…”Meet me in St. Louis.” Flipping the locket over to the back, Brenda found engraved, “With Love, S.” Overwhelmed by the emotional night but never wanting her feelings to subside, Brenda put on her new locket and held it close to her heart where she would always let it stay.


	12. Autumn Overnights

Brenda looked out at the big oak tree from her bedroom window. She saw the acorns falling to the ground from the golden leaves above. Autumn had always been Brenda’s favorite time of year. For most of her life, autumn brought the most changes for her. Most people say that spring is the time for change and the beginning of new opportunities but for Brenda, everything new happened in the fall. Going back to school each year, new jobs possibilities, the endless work conventions…all took place in the fall.

Brenda started her second year with the SFPD by attending a series of doctor appointments to help her narrow down what was causing her to catch her infections more frequently. Since the start of the summer, Brenda had caught four infections that resembled bad colds and she found that she kept getting tired more easily. However, her doctors didn’t seem to be too concerned. With the CT scans, MRIs, and initial blood tests, they were able to rule out some of the more serious issues. One of the treatments that proved to be effective for both the nosebleeds and the general aches and pains were medications to reduce inflammation. 

Sharon, on the other hand, did not appreciate the snail’s pace that Brenda’s doctors were moving to find a diagnosis. She often offered to go to the doctor with Brenda but Brenda preferred to go alone. Sharon was still Brenda’s colleague and knowing too much could  negatively impact work opportunities. Brenda knew that Sharon felt protective of her and wanted to shield her from harm. This did not go well in their line of work when the job became particularly dangerous.

In addition to Brenda’s medical concerns, Sharon had also started having Brenda over for a series of overnight visits. These visits were a mixture of Brenda spending the night at Sharon’s house and then Sharon thinking of every excuse she could to go to an overnight work seminar in a different city with Brenda.  Brenda wasn’t quite sure the purpose of these overnight stays. Was Sharon worried about Brenda’s health or was there something more to Sharon’s intentions? Brenda also questioned the story Sharon told her husband for why she was coming to stay with them.

Not long after the night Sharon gave Brenda her locket at Anne’s, Sharon invited Brenda to stay the weekend with Sharon at her house. One of two places that Sharon and Brenda found to be a safe place for them to talk was in office restrooms. Before she left work every day, Sharon would first stop by Brenda’s office and tell her that it was time for them to go. Sharon would no longer allow Brenda to work after hours if Sharon was not there with her. The second thing Sharon would do before she left for the day was stop by the restroom before she drove home. 

Just as they typically did at the end of every day, Brenda followed Sharon into the restroom where she would sit on the sink and pick her nails and fix her hair while Sharon went into the stall. When Sharon came out and washed her hands, she’d look at Brenda and ask her what she had planned for the evening. But on this particular Friday evening, Sharon asked Brenda to come home with her.

Sharon: _You know, you could come home with me this evening. That is, if you want to._

Brenda stopped picking at her nails for a moment to consider what Sharon was offering. Brenda wanted to. She wanted to drive home with Sharon and be near her in the car, see what Sharon did on the weekends, and see how she lived her life. She wanted to snuggle with Sharon again. But how could Brenda snuggle with Sharon with her family there as well? What Brenda didn’t want was for Jack to be there. Surely Jack would not be ok with how Sharon affectionately smothered Brenda. So how on earth could Brenda feel the way she felt the other night at Anne’s if Jack was going to be there? Brenda decided it was best not to ask Sharon about that.

Brenda: _Is Jack ok with you having a friend over?_

Sharon gave Brenda a look that she used to give her when they first met. The look that said that Sharon Raydor was in control of everything. Sharon finished washing and drying her hands and then she placed both of her hands on the lapels of Brenda’s jacket and said, “let’s go find out. Let’s go home.” Brenda looked at Sharon in awe…like they were about to do something reckless. Unfortunately, Brenda’s trust in Sharon often led her to the dark side. Because Brenda didn’t know that Sharon didn’t have a plan and Brenda was about to find out just how conflicted Sharon was about her life.

But Brenda walked down that path right behind Sharon and she jumped into Sharon’s car, feet first into the dark side that was about to become her life. As they sat in the car on the ride home, Sharon took her hand off the steering wheel and grabbed onto Brenda’s pinky. Brenda completed the gesture and laced her fingers between Sharon’s and they sat like that for the remaining portion of the drive home in silence. But Brenda’s mind was not silent. She felt ok at the moment…not sick that is, and Sharon was still holding her hand. And she was about to spend the night at Sharon’s but her mind raced. Where would she sleep? The couch? The guest room which was really an office?

Sharon called Jack on her way home to tell him Brenda was staying the night. Brenda didn’t hear much arguing so she assumed he was ok with it. “Did Sharon lay down the law with Jack,” Brenda wondered.

 

Dinner went by without a hiccup. Jack behaved himself and was surprisingly polite around Brenda. After the kids had their showers, Sharon asked Emily if she would read a story to Brenda in her room before bedtime.

Sharon: _Emily, go take Brenda to your room and you guys get in bed. I will be there in a minute._

Brenda was wrong about sleeping on the couch and in the guest room. She never imagined that she would sleep with Emily in her room but there were a lot of surprises when it came to Sharon. When Brenda walked into Emily’s room she saw that Emily had a king sized bed in her hot pink room.

Brenda: _That’s such a big bed for such a small body._

Emily: _My mom likes to sleep with me. She makes me get ready for bed for a few minutes and then she comes in. She has to have romantic time with my dad first._

Brenda awkwardly chuckled but wanted to erase what she had just heard from her mind.  And she wondered who was the one who told Emily about their so called romantic time. Brenda crawled into bed with Emily and let her snuggle into her side as Emily read from her bedtime read, “The Da Vinci Code.” 

Brenda: _Why are you reading this book? It seems a little violent._

Emily: _It’s really fascinating. Don’t you think it is mysterious, Brenda?_

Emily took Brenda’s hand in hers as they continued to read and Brenda thought, “I think a lot of things about this situation are mysterious.”

Within the next ten minutes, Sharon entered Emily’s room dressed in her loose fitting yoga pants, a tank top, and her pillow in hand. 

Sharon: _Look at my girls. So snuggly together reading._  

“Oh my God, she is going to sleep in here with us,” Brenda thought as Sharon crawled in the bed between Brenda and Emily. But Emily immediately protested, pushing away her mother, “No! Mama no. I am sleeping next to Brenda!” Sharon only laughed and picked up her wiggly child and placed her so that Brenda was in the middle of herself and Emily. Satisfied with the new arrangement, Emily resumed her position against Brenda’s side and continued reading until Sharon cut her off fifteen minutes later.

“Ok! Bedtime, Girls.” Sharon reached over Brenda to kiss Emily goodnight and then she turned off the small yellow lamp next to her. Sharon reached her hand underneath the bed spread and took Brenda’s hand and brought it up to her lips for a kiss but when she returned it to her side, she didn’t let go. 

 

The next time Brenda and Sharon shared a bed together, it was Sharon’s idea to go to an out of town seminar.The seminar seemed like a rational explanation that she could easily justify to the division.The topics of the seminar included ethics and night vigilance training for fatigued officers. The conference gave Sharon and Brenda the opportunity to see how one another interacted away from the office and the home environment. 

The seminar was held in Ocean City,Maryland in a lavish ocean front hotel. Sharon’s and Brenda’s flights to whichever destination they were taking began to take on a similar pattern. Sharon got a burrito before their flight, Brenda got sick on the landing, and then Sharon distracted Brenda to make her feel better. One thing that kept progressing was that Sharon seemed to be less and less guarded the more time she spent with Brenda. 

The Ocean City hotel was fancier than Brenda imagined. Crystal chandeliers hung in the lobby and there was an atrium that led outside to the hotel’s three pools. When checking into their room, the concierge looked at Brenda and Sharon and said, “you two look alike.” Brenda and Sharon looked at each other with confused looks on their faces. Heading up in the elevators, Sharon said, “that was weird.” “Yeah, we look nothing alike.” “Maybe we are starting to act alike,” Sharon offered. Brenda didn’t respond but she thought about it. While she thought it was a compliment to be compared to Sharon, she still wanted to maintain her own personality throughout their friendship.

Sharon noticed the beds first. “I don’t even think you can call those double beds. Those are spacious twins, correct?” Dropping her suit case onto the floor and observing for herself what was causing Sharon such irritation, Brenda shrugged when she saw the beds. “They look fine to me. It’s not like we are oversized men who need a large bed.” “Well, if you’re going to be sharing a bed with me, then we need to change rooms,” Sharon said. Brenda bit her bottom lip. She wanted to share a bed with Sharon. Why did she want to share a bed with Sharon and why did Sharon want to share a bed with her? Brenda was going to try to find out those answers on this trip.

Around 5:00 that evening, Sharon asked Brenda if she wanted to take a swim in the ocean with her. Brenda put on her green and white, modest two piece bathing suit. Whatever their relationship had deepened to, Sharon was still Brenda’s superior and she had not seen Brenda in anything less than a tank top so Brenda was slightly shy to show off her body. Sharon decided to go even more modest with a black and pink tankini. “What a cute bathing suit,” Sharon said while admiring Brenda’s body. “You are such a beautiful girl.” What Brenda said was, “thank you” but she really wanted to tell Sharon that she thought she was a beautiful woman as well. “How would Sharon react if I told her I thought she was beautiful,” Brenda wondered.

The ocean felt surprisingly warm that year for September but the ocean waters on the east coast always did seem warmer than the Pacific. Sharon dover under the small wave first and swam out about 20 feet. When she looked back, she saw Brenda still standing in waist deep water. 

Sharon: _Brenda! Come on! What are you doing way back there?_

Brenda: _I don’t like sharks._

Sharon (Looking around): _What sharks? Look at all these people, Brenda. Sharks are scared of all the people._

Brenda smiled and took one more step closer to where Sharon was swimming. Sharon wrinkled her nose like Brenda’s choices were disappointing her and she began to swim back toward Brenda. “Do I have to hold your hand through everything?” Brenda smiled again and took both of Sharon’s outstretched hands and walked a little further into the water. “Brenda, you’re such a good swimmer, you can out swim any shark.” “Not if they bite my arm off first,” Brenda replied. 

They swam a little in the warmth of the ocean and talked together for several minutes. Then out of nowhere, Sharon surprised Brenda and said, “let me hold you in the water now, honey.”

Not truly knowing what that meant, Brenda tried not to look too questioning as to make Sharon revoke her weird offer to hold her. Agreeing to Sharon’s request, Brenda swam even closer to Sharon so they were almost hugging. Brenda began to hold onto Sharon’s shoulders but Sharon redirected her.

“Lay back in the water on your back and float.”

Brenda did as she was told and Sharon scooped Brenda up like she was an infant. One hand cradled Brenda’s knees and the arm cradled Brenda’s head. Feeling a little awkward at first Brenda soon relaxed when Sharon smiled at Brenda and stared into her eyes. They just stayed like that for a few minutes until Brenda started to shiver. Sharon let go of Brenda’s legs and let them float on their own while she traced Brenda’s eyebrows with her fingers.

“You’re chilled. You have goosebumps all over your body,” Sharon said.

“No, I’m not cold. I can stay out here for awhile.” Brenda then thought it might be a good time to tell Sharon that she thought she was beautiful. “I think you’re beautiful,” Brenda said sincerely. 

Sharon laughed and wiggled Brenda’s nose with her finger. “I think you’re biased. You love me more than most people so you’re biased.” Once again, Brenda was left confused about where Sharon stood.

“I don’t want you to get sick out on this trip,” Sharon said and then leaned down and kissed Brenda’s nose. Sharon held on to Brenda’s hand as they walked out of the ocean and back up to their room. After Sharon pushed the elevator button in the lobby, Brenda came to the realization that she forgot to pack a long sleeved shirt or a sweater. She had only managed to remember to bring her suit jacket. Seeing the look on Brenda’s face, Sharon asked what was going on.

“OK, you go up to the room and I am going to go out to get you something warm to wear,” Sharon said.

“No, Sharon, you don’t have to do that. I can go with you.”

“Again, it’s getting dark and the temperature is falling and I want you to go upstairs and take a hot shower and dry your hair,” Sharon ordered.

Brenda didn’t argue this time and she waved goodbye to Sharon as Sharon walked out of the lobby in just her towel and sandals toward one of the nearby shops.

Brenda had finished taking a shower and was almost finished drying her hair when Sharon walked into the room with a yellow plastic bag in her hand.

Holding her hands up in defense, Sharon warned Brenda that she found her a sweater but to not get her hopes up.

“Before you get too excited, I managed to find a sweater for you but it was the only one that they had that didn’t say ‘I heart Ocean City’ on it.” 

Brenda’s eyes glistened and she reached down into to the bag to pull out a long brown, knitted sweater. She held it up to her nose and breathed in the smell of the new warm garment and then she looked at Sharon and wrapped her arms around her neck and said, “I love it. It looks so warm and it matches my eyes.” Sharon laughed and brushed the hair out of Brenda’s excited face and said, “No, babe, it doesn’t match your eyes. Your eyes are gorgeous.” Brenda pulled back and held up her new sweater with a delighted grin and said, “Gorgeous like this?” Sharon just smiled and shook her head.

After dinner, Sharon and Brenda returned to their room to turn in for the evening. Despite her new sweater, Sharon could tell that Brenda was still cold throughout dinner and that worried her. 

“I am going to go take my shower now. Why don’t you pick out the bed you want and I will take the other one,” Sharon told Brenda. Brenda nodded. Disappointed that Sharon would not be sharing a bed with her, Brenda picked out the bed closest to the door. Brenda wrapped her new sweater around her body tighter and pulled back the covers to the bed and slipped in. She wanted to wait for Sharon to get out of the shower so she could see her one last time before she went to sleep but she felt her eyes getting heavy.

When Sharon got out of the shower, she saw Brenda sitting up in bed with the sweater she had bought her wrapped tightly to her tiny body. She quickly changed into her nightwear and walked over to Brenda’s bed to turn off her light. She lingered to look at Brenda and sighed deeply before placing a kiss on the side of Brenda’s cheek. “Sharon, you have to stay here with me tonight,” Brenda demanded. “Honey, I can’t fit in this bed with you all night.” “Sure you can,” Brenda said and laughed while she pulled Sharon by the elbow so that she was easing into the bed alongside her. 

Sharon lay on her back in the bed and Brenda turned over onto her side facing Sharon so she could snuggle against her while Sharon wrapped her arm around her. Sharon quickly changed course and patted Brenda on the Shoulder and said, “turn over, honey.”

 “What?”

“Just turn over on your other side so I can hold you.” Brenda thought this was an odd request since Sharon was kind of already holding her. Did Sharon not want to be face to face with Brenda? “Does my breath stink,” Brenda wondered. Brenda did as she was told and flipped onto her other side while Sharon slipped her hand over Brenda’s stomach and pulled her close. Brenda felt Sharon nuzzle her face into the back of Brenda’s hair before kissing her jaw bone near her ear. 

Several minutes later, but before falling asleep, Brenda felt a bubble in her underwear. Panic-stricken, Brenda eased out of bed toward the restroom so she could check the damage her subconscious arousal had caused. Drying herself, Brenda wondered what would happen if Sharon knew. Would she still share a bed with her? Did Sharon feel similarly? At this point, Brenda didn’t want to jeopardize her relationship with Sharon so she decided it was best to find out more about how Sharon felt about her in time. Brenda stuffed some tissue paper in her underwear before returning to the bed.  

Brenda woke up 4 hours later to the sound of someone screaming. Startled beyond belief, Brenda jumped out of bed in flight mode. When she realized Sharon was the one who was screaming, Brenda walked over to her side of the bed and asked her what was going on.

“Sharon, what happened? I don’t understand what is going on.”

“We have to get out of here,” Sharon screamed in a panic. “The hotel is on fire!” For about ten seconds, Brenda looked around the room to see if anything was on fire. When her heart stopped beating so fast, she realized that Sharon was having a nightmare. “Sharon, nothing is on fire.” Brenda got back in bed and rubbed her hand up and down Sharon’s back to try to calm her. Sharon then laid back down abruptly pinning Brenda’s arm between the mattress and Sharon’s back. Brenda yelped but Sharon didn’t seem to hear her. Instead, Sharon just looked at Brenda suspiciously and then shut her eyes again for the night. It took Brenda awhile to settle down again before she drifted off for the remaining hours of the night.

In the morning, Brenda got out of bed before Sharon and decided to take a walk on the boardwalk outside of the hotel before getting ready for their workshop. When Brenda returned from her walk, she found Sharon already dressed and ready to go get something for breakfast. 

“Did I have a panic attack last night,” Sharon asked when she saw Brenda. “I think I was the one who had a panic attack when you told me the room was on fire,” Brenda said.” 

Sharon looked embarrassed and she apologized. “What was that, Sharon? Did something happen to you on one of your cases? Was there a fire?” Sharon waved Brenda’s theory off like what happened the night before was really not that big of a deal. “Sometimes I get these nightmares when I get very stressed or I when I am upset about something. Nothing happened to give me PTSD if that’s what you mean. Jack says that I am getting them more lately for some reason.” 

Brenda was concerned. “What is stressing you out right now,” Brenda asked. “I really have no clue what it could be.  I feel fine,” Sharon said confidently. Brenda wasn’t so sure Sharon was fine and she had the suspicion that part of Sharon’s stress was related to Brenda.

 

The final time that Brenda ever stayed the night at Sharon’s came late that fall. The overnight visit was prompted by Brenda’s recent diagnosis. After several weeks of testing and taking a thorough medical history, the doctors finally diagnosed Brenda with rheumatoid arthritis. Putting Brenda on the appropriate medication would help her lower her systems’ response but the doctors were concerned with the physicality of her job. The work Brenda did placed harsh demands on her body day after day. Therefore, her team of doctors strongly advised Brenda to switch to a less physically demanding job. 

Brenda thought about her job options and talked things over with her family and friends. One of her law professors knew how capable Brenda was in the law profession and suggested that Brenda apply to work at her university since there was an opening in their department. The job was on the east coast and thousands of miles away from her new home in San Fransisco. While she definitely favored the idea of a less physically demanding job, she was hoping to get a job closer to her new friends on the west coast. And if she was being completely honest with herself, she would admit that she wanted to stay closer to Sharon. 

Sharon invited Brenda over to stay at her house for the last time on Halloween night. Brenda had just been diagnosed with her autoimmune disease and Brenda assumed that Sharon wanted to ensure Brenda had company to help her through emotionally. Emily and Ricky were spending the night at a friend’s house so Brenda was concerned about being in the house with only Sharon and Jack. But Brenda wanted to be near Sharon that night so she was willing to give it a try. 

Brenda walked into Sharon’s house with apprehension and she immediately searched the room for Jack but he was nowhere to be found. Sharon looked at her suspiciously. “What’s wrong, Brenda,” asked Sharon. Brenda set her overnight bag down in the living room. “Umm nothing,” Brenda lied and force-smiled with clenched teeth. “Go set your things in Emily’s room and then we can pass out the rest of the candy together.” Brenda obliged and set her bag down in Emily’s room but something was telling her that she shouldn’t stay the night. She didn’t know what it was but in the pit of her stomach, Brenda felt like she didn’t belong  in the house that evening. 

 

Walking out into the living room, Brenda saw Sharon passing out Halloween candy to the Trick or Treaters. She glanced down the hall to the bedroom off the kitchen and could see the flickering glow a television would make and wondered if Jack was watching TV in their room. Brenda walked up to the front door that Sharon was closing and closed her arms tightly to her chest. Sharon noticed Brenda’s cagey behavior for the second time that evening.

“What is going on….hmm? You can tell me, Baby.” Sharon brushed her hand across Brenda’s cheek 

Brenda: _Where is Jack?_

Sharon: _He’s in the bedroom, why?_

Brenda: _It’s just that…he hasn’t come out yet since I’ve been here. Is he ok with my being here?_

Brenda felt like she was guilty of something. She felt like Jack knew about her and Sharon. Not that anything had happened with her and Sharon…yet it felt like it did. The intimacy they shared together was deeper than any type of sexual encounter Brenda had experienced in her past. Now that she was standing in Jack’s home with his wife, Brenda felt guilty and she wondered why Sharon didn’t feel guilty too. But Sharon didn’t seem to feel like anything was bothering her. 

Brenda couldn’t take the nervousness in her stomach any longer. She knew that Jack knew. She knew without even having to see Jack that evening. “Sharon, I want to go home, Brenda said.” “You just got here! You can’t leave now,” Sharon said firmly. Sharon sounded put out…angry at Brenda for wanting to leave. “Look, I am going to sleep in my own bed tonight. You will sleep in Emily’s room. Everything will be fine. Now, I’m going to go get ready for bed and I think you should do the same.” Brenda watched Sharon march off toward the direction of her bedroom. 

But everything did not feel fine. Why did Sharon even want her to come over? Brenda came over just to watch Sharon pass out candy and then go to bed in separate rooms? “This is ridiculous,” Brenda thought as she stared at the ceiling from Emily’s large bed. Two hours went by and Brenda could not sleep. She tried reading a book on her phone but that didn’t help her feel any sleepier. She heard a noise coming from somewhere else in the house and then she saw a shadow from the wall in the hall that looked like someone was walking closer. Brenda reached over to turn out the bedside lamp to pretend like she was asleep but she was too late. Sharon appeared in the doorway with her pillow. 

“Babe, what are you still doing awake,” Sharon asked. Brenda started to shake and then cry. Sharon got into the bed with Brenda and tried to comfort her with a hug but Brenda pushed her away. “No, no, no, not here, Sharon.” “Not here what? What are you afraid of?” “I don’t want Jack to find out. I am scared of Jack finding us.” “Finding out what?” Brenda stared at Sharon for several seconds in complete silence. How was their behavior innocuous? Was Brenda the only one who felt a connection of more than just friends between her and Sharon? Was it possible that Sharon did not feel anything romantic about Brenda at all? Was Jack ok with his wife sleeping in another bed with someone else even if it did happen to be another woman? Was he not threatened by women? Brenda had a lot of questions but the confusion was too much for her to grasp right now. All the emotions in her head…fear, confusion over Sharon’s sexuality, hurt that Sharon might not feel the same way. How could Brenda have read this situation wrong? 

Needing to let it out, Brenda started sobbing and Sharon kissed her between her eyebrows and  laid her down onto the bed. When Sharon wrapped her arms around Brenda to hold her through her pain, Brenda cried even harder but she let Sharon hold onto her. 

At some point, both Sharon and Brenda had fallen asleep. Brenda woke up in the darkness and read the digital clock on her phone that told her it was 3:23am. Sharon’s nose was resting against Brenda’s ear and their hands were still laced together from when they fell asleep. But then Brenda heard the familiar sound she had heard earlier when Sharon was walking down the hall to Emily’s room. Brenda’s throat went dry and she quickly pulled her hand away from Sharon’s and rolled in between the crack of the bed and the wall. She heard Jack approach the doorway and then she saw a small light shining around the room. “He must have a flashlight and he’s looking to see what Sharon’s doing,” Brenda thought. Jack didn’t stay long. He seemed to be satisfied with whatever he saw and then Brenda heard the footsteps heading back toward his own bedroom. “He doesn’t trust her,” Brenda thought. “He has a reason not to trust her with me.” 

Brenda never went back to sleep after that. At 5am, Sharon began to stir and Brenda glanced over at her. Brenda had spent the last hour an a half thinking about what her life was turning into. She had just been diagnosed with an illness that would require a job change and she had an unidentified relationship with a woman she loved more than anything. Brenda always knew that people made things way more complex than they ever really needed to be but one thing she wanted at this point was to be honest with herself. She knew she was having a romance with the woman who was lying next to her and she wanted Sharon to admit it as well.

Sharon reached over to Brenda to grab her hand. Brenda let her hold it but she didn’t smile or feel a flood of warmth when she then told Sharon that she was going to apply for teaching positions at various law schools. “I want you to write a letter of recommendation for me. Will you do that, Sharon?” Sharon was silent and she took her eyes off Brenda to look at the ceiling. Brenda eased her hand out of Sharon’s grip and sat up a little so she could get a better read on what Sharon was thinking. 

Brenda: _It’s not that hard of a request._

Sharon: _Unfortunately_ , t _his is not something I can do, Brenda_

Brenda felt like her heart was going to split open. “Why not,” Brenda asked. “Because, I don’t think I can write you a letter when I don’t think you will do a good job with the task.” 

Brenda didn’t want to stick around for her tears. She wanted to let the anger that was forming continue to blossom so that she didn’t have to feel the broken heart that was her alternative. She scooted out of bed and picked up her bag. “Where are you going,” Sharon asked. “I am going to go home. Because I don’t understand you, Sharon. I don’t understand any of this and I don’t want to live like this. I want to be friends with someone who has my best interest at heart. I want to be friends with someone whose husband doesn’t come in with a flashlight looking at me in the middle of the night! I want a friend who is honest with herself and with me!”

“Oh honey, it’s not because I don’t love you. I just can’t put my name on something when I don’t feel like it is best for you or the institution.” 

Brenda was still astonished at what she was hearing. “I am going to go home now. Maybe when you feel like telling me more and being completely honest, I will sit down and listen to you.” 

When Brenda got in her vehicle, she sobbed for 15 minutes. This woman was still playing games with her. Brenda thought she had broken Sharon of that but this betrayal was too much for Brenda to take alone. She tried walking around pier and then writing in her journal but none of that was helping her. She wanted to know more about what was really going on in Sharon’s head and she wanted to talk to the one person she believed knew Sharon better than anyone else. She dialed his number.

Pope: _Hi Brenda, honey._

Brenda: _Hi Pope. Are you home?_

Pope: _Yep, just here with Jane. We are about to make pizza._

Brenda: _The intern Jane? Oooook…ummmm… I just wanted to see if….maybe I could talk to you…._

Pope: _Uh oh. Mom issues? Come on over and help us make this pizza!_

Brenda smiled and headed over to Pope’s. 


End file.
